Not much...

It's been over two weeks since I last wrote. There isn't a specific reason, I just haven't gotten that many things finished lately. We did the turkey dinner for Thanksgiving and shared the time with family, I started a more focused effort on getting rid of junk around the place, I repaired the door handle on the Jeep, and I have been dyeing self-striping yarn.

That's really about it other than the myriad thoughts that are constantly going through my mind.

Quiet...

Sometimes the week passes without a grand occurrence. No hugely special event to mark its passing. This past week was a series of small events which, by themselves mean very little. And even when they are added up, their meaning is pretty insignificant.

Except that they are parts of my life. Parts that will be a memory in the years to come. Things to look back on and smile. Or frown. Or become contemplative about.

We started the mandatory school shopping last week. I have only complaints about the required clothing, so I won't go into detail. Brianna still needs shoes and we will be getting those this weekend. At this point we still have no idea what classes she will be in. I've called the school and they don't know. School starts on Monday. Yes, I have more to say about that, but I'll vent elsewhere.

I found a wondrous thing at the thrift store the other day! Books, in excellent shape, and on my "to buy" list. The ones that make me smile most? The Sevenwaters Trilogy by Juliet Marillier. I know there are now more books in that series, but the first three are the ones I fell in love with.

A repair to the Jeep was completed. While we were working on the lighting and the door Kevin noticed that he could see daylight through a crack on the floor where the driver seat was bolted in. After a more thorough examination it was pretty clear that both front seats were not really secure anymore. Luckily there is a welder in the family (Kevin's nephew) and that was fixed this past weekend. The relief I feel because of that is a lot stronger than I thought, but... well, after discovering the cracks I had a few bad dreams about seeing my passenger go through the front window.

There are other small things... repairs to some of the yarn equipment, banging my head on the Jeep, a haircut, a cool microscope from a yard sale, movies on the weekend, the arrival of my awesome mug, cooler weather, the passing of a life, the gathering of thoughts, journaling, knitting, ... so much Life when you think about it one way, so little if you think about it a different way. I choose the former. After all, even the quiet moments make up the tapestry of my life and they should be cherished, too.

Namasté.

Repairs & Recharging

This has been one of the more stressful weeks of this year as well as one of the most rewarding. Nothing big happened to cause the stress, just a pile of little things each day that only added to the stress of the day before. At one point I broke down and cried in anger and frustration simply because I had reached the end of the rope and there were more little stresses being added. Why did I not release some of the stresses before it got to that point? Pride? Perhaps. But I'll tell you this; I handled it on my own. Maybe not with as much grace as I would have liked, but still, I handled it.

But the good stuff? Ah, the good stuff was very good.

Earlier this week I attended the first live/online class I've been able to attend. All the others were on a night when it was really too late in the evening, but this time, I was okay staying up just a little late. It was so cool to be able to ask questions when they came to mind and hear from the other students as well. This class was about the code of ethics and how we should handle clients and lots of other stuff. Very helpful, to say the least. (For those wondering; I haven't missed any of the classes before this, I've been downloading the recorded versions.)

I had started to lose faith that I'd be able to run 5k by my birthday. The times that I could actually run were so limited and I just couldn't see a way to get any good training in. I posted about it, and felt bad about doing so. But then... April kind of nudged me in a different direction and told me what to do. And I followed her instructions. Then I reached 900 miles on my trip across Middle Earth! How awesome is that‽ I didn't even hurt that much the following day. Yes, I was very sore, but I didn't feel like I was going to cry every time I walked down the hallway. Now I'm pretty certain I can reach my goal after all.

This weekend was an odd mix of emotions. Brianna & I ran our errands early-ish on Saturday and it felt good to get some of the things we really needed. The budget is still very tight, but there was more breathing room this time. After a wonderful dinner with two of my loved ones, I spent a relaxed evening watching Angels & Demons (I'd never seen it before) and sipping coffee laced with Harlequin Orange Liqueur. 

Then the work started. Sunday morning was pretty relaxed but that ended soon after breakfast. It was time to work on the Jeep. My door has been locked into the closed position for a long time now. I've grown quite agile in getting into the driver seat from the passenger side. Also needing fixed was a lighting issue. After getting the door taken apart (Jeeps are awesome in their simplicity), we still couldn't figure out why it wouldn't release. So, the other door was also taken apart for comparison. Still no luck. I was a little nervous that I'd have to replace the whole mechanism or something in order to have a working door. Here is what it looks like -

After a bit of time I thought of something to try and it worked! I figured it out! And now my door is in working order and will even lock.

The lighting issue was a little more involved. Kevin had me go through a series of actions while he took lots of notes. Engine off, headlights on, left turn signal on; engine off, headlights on, right turn signal on; apply brakes, release brakes... the list goes on. This didn't seem like it was going to be an easy fix to me and I was a bit nervous on the extent of work that might be involved. After all, this is a '93 so it's not even remotely new. Wires get brittle with time, there could be a short somewhere, there could be a broken wire... I know it's no fun tracing wires in a vehicle.After some time of more thinking, we tried an idea and that worked, too! After nearly 5 hours of work and less than $3, the Jeep is now in better shape. 

Oh! Now the center console is attached, too! No more slipping to the back.

Today I'm more sore than I was on Saturday after the running. I think it's because I wouldn't let Kevin help me lift the door off the body. I know I probably should have, but I am the kind of woman who feels pretty damn proud of being able to handle things like that without help. The pain today is just an indicator that I should strengthen my body a bit more.

On that note I will leave you all with a blessings:

May you all have the strength and courage to face your trials with grace and dignity. May you all know the feeling of pride in your accomplishments.

Namasté.

A very busy week.

First there was an issue with the kitchen sink. A pretty large crack in the hose was causing water to leak whether I was using the sprayer or not. Interestingly enough, it was not a standard faucet so I ended up replacing the whole thing. A total of three trips to the hardware store was all it took. Kevin helped me laugh about it instead of getting more frustrated. That was on Tuesday.

Wednesday was filled with an urgency to do something for the cat we've been calling Nala. You may remember that she bit me a little while ago. I felt this very strong need to get her indoors. Brianna and I cleared the furnace room and all the clean laundry from the laundry room and coaxed her in. We let her go in and out a few times and didn't close the back door for a couple hours. Finally, right before lunch I knew the door needed to close and she needed to be kept inside. Sure enough, she decided to lay down in the box we made for her and sleep. Every time I left the area she'd get up and try to follow me. A couple times she climbed into my lap and leaned against my chest. No hissing, no teeth, just a need for comfort. The first kitten was born around 1:15 and Brianna & I were both in there to see it. So amazing! And even more astonishing? She had seven and they are all healthy.

What makes this cat more special than all the others I've rescued or TNRed? I don't really know. I do know that she was feral, and still quite young. I know that it took at least 2 weeks to get her to the point where we could touch her. Perhaps one of her kittens will help someone who is sad. Maybe she will find a home with someone who needs that sassy attitude that she has. I don't know the big picture.

(In the picture to the right, she is actually standing, leaning on the side of the "cave" we made, and sleeping with her head resting on her kittens.)

Shifting Energies

Peaceful feelings are beginning to fill me more often. I still haven't decided how I feel about this. I had to really think about whether it was apathy or true inner peace and I believe it's true peace.

You see, there are people who have entered my life and exited almost as swiftly. Only, recently I made the conscious decision to shut them out. Interestingly enough, I do not feel as though I don't care what happens to them. Instead I wish them peace.

~

I haven't felt very good over the last couple days. Because of that I didn't reach my physical goals, but this time I do not feel guilty about it. Instead I feel good that I listened to what my body was telling me and I recovered a lot faster than I thought.  I think I'm completely over whatever it was and I'm looking forward to getting on the bike again tomorrow and continuing this cool journey. Of course, I also intend to keep going with the hooping and other stuff, too.

~

Yes, I got back on the bike today. I was really surprised to feel so wonderful about it. I didn't go very fast, but I did keep a good pace and finished up with more than seventeen miles. I might be a little sore tomorrow, but it will be worth it. I know the scale isn't changing as quickly as I would like, but I'm not unhappy with it. I know the muscles are changing and that means more than a number on the scale. After all, I want this to be long term. I fully intend to be able to skip and dance when I get to the Glastonbury Tor.

~

I love waking with a smile. The last few Fridays have been like that. Some of it is because of Love, some is the knowledge that the shop updates are waiting, some is that it's the end of the week and I look forward to spending some relaxing time away from this town. Mostly, it's because... Life is good.

~

I didn't have the time or patience to write yesterday. The Jeep died. At the first place I stopped. That created the need to postpone all my errands and to spend money on a cab home, but all in all it wasn't that bad. Kevin fixed the cable after work and everything is back to working order. After that, it was time to relax.

I want to talk about a movie, but I'm going to use that for a regular blog post instead of here. It's important that I get all my thoughts out for it. I can explain in that post the reason, but not here.

I tried to explain a feeling last night and realized that the human languages are just not enough. Perhaps after I have left this body I will find the way to express all that is encompassed in the moments I was trying to describe, but there simply is no way to do that now. Still, even with the limits of our words, I think I got my meaning across. I think it helped that the one listening was hearing with their Spirit and not just their ears.

~

What a beautiful sunny day! I woke around 4 this morning and listened to the house and the world around me. I nearly sent a text just to share that moment. Instead I lit a candle and sent out peace and love to where it was needed most. I hope this day goes well for everyone.

Shake my petals free...

Monday: I woke around 4 this morning feeling like it was time to wake up. So, I stayed up and had breakfast, then rode the bike for an hour. I feel pretty good that I was able to get it done before the daycare kids got here. This week my goals are to ride for an hour a day, five days. I am feeling pretty confident that I will get it done.

Tuesday: This was another struggle day, but I got on the bike anyway and am happy I did. Afterward I got started on the club yarn. This color is... not anything like I normally do. It's soft and romantic and sweet. Yes, I can hear some of you out there groaning and wondering what is going on. Well, nothing, really. I just wanted something like this to share with the world. Where is the romance any more? Where are the little notes that let someone know that you are thinking about them? Or the simple bouquet of flowers (not necessarily roses, but something to brighten their day)? Or a call out of the blue, just to let your sweetheart know that you are thinking about them? Romance, people. It means a lot.

Am I fishing for flowers & notes? No, I know that my sweetheart loves me. He shows me in so many ways that some people might not recognize, but I do. But there are billions of people on this planet. How many of them can say that they feel loved? Show it.

Anyway, the club yarns are beautiful and I'm looking forward to knitting up something really special with them. And the gifts this month? Oh, so awesome! They were made by one of the club members and they are going to be great for keeping us warm.

Wednesday: Well, the daycare stuff is finally figured out and I should start getting paid again. Luckily, most of the bills & such were already taken care of so we have been holding up quite well. I still am looking forward to the future and I know that someday I will look back on this time and just kind of shake my head and smile, knowing that I made it through.

I've been knitting several items over the last couple weeks. Two pairs of socks, a tool case, and my sweater. I am loving all of these projects simply because of what they represent. The socks are for Kevin, both pairs, and I am very determined to get them finished before the end of the month. The tool case was asked for to protect an expensive meter. The sweater is my goal of size. Yes, I'm a little nervous about knitting something so much smaller than what I am right now, but I know that I will fit into it. I know it will look great on me. And so, I am happy with these projects.

Thursday: I set a new record on the bike today! 18.25 miles and I feel pretty good about it.

There is some snow moving in tonight, but even more tomorrow night. I know there will be complaints about it, but really, it is winter, so what is there to complain about? Now, if you lived in the tropics and were expecting 4-6" of snow, sure, complain all you want. Anyway, I'm kind of looking forward to the snow.

Friday: I woke this morning with a smile. It faded a little when I realized the check I'd been expecting didn't arrive, but I still felt great waking up.

Saturday: Crisp, bright snow all around. And I have only the post office to go to, then out to relax for the weekend.

Sunday: I'm tired today. Brianna has been sick most of the day. In the meantime, Kevin tried to fix the shifter on the Jeep with no luck. So, off to Hiser's it will go tomorrow. Still, for the most part, this day has been pretty good, even with the crazy emotions.

There are some things that I'm more sure of now than I ever was before. Since they are private things, I won't be listing them here, but with this kind of surety for my future, I know that I can step forward with a clear heart, knowing that I've done well and will continue doing my best. And, most important, I will be true to my Self and to my heart. I will continue growing and learning. And I will only allow the things/people in my life that I know I can believe with my heart. Not just their words, but what lies beneath those words.

More repairs

What an interesting week! I'm thinking about changing the way I write these entries, and I'll certainly get that figured out by tomorrow. Anyway...

Thanksgiving was very nice, even though we spent most of the afternoon tearing my dryer apart. Kevin tested all the parts inside and they were all strong. The only broken part was a blower fan. Not even duct tape could fix that one (and yes, we tried it).

After cleaning up  the mess, we looked up the part online and found it for sale. Since there is an appliance repair shop not far from me, it was good to get the price. Luckily, the shop was open on Friday. Now I can officially say that I've gone to a store on Black Friday. Crazy, huh? Anyway, I got the part and installed it myself.

Now the dryer may last another 10 years before another repair is needed.

Saturday was filled with baking, grating, making butter, and knitting. All in preparation of Sunday's feast, which included only 2 of Kevin's kids. I was a little bummed that one couldn't make it (the others are out of the state), since he usually has something witty to say about lots of things, but that's how it goes, I guess. It was a nice dinner, though and most of the conversation was lively.

Tomorrow is my appointment to discuss the lab results. I keep telling myself that I'm not really worried about it. I keep telling myself that I'm waking in the night from the wind, or rain, or a full bladder... deep in my heart I know better. I am afraid of what she will tell me. I'm afraid she's going to inform me that I'll be on medication for the rest of my life. It's hard to shake that feeling, even though I want to believe I'm stronger than that.

On the bright side... I finished Anthony's hat.

Blessed Samhain!

What a busy week this has been!

I attended a very small gathering for Small Business Peer Mentoring hosted by the creator/owner of Oasis Healing Arts. It was a very small group, but that gave us a lot more interaction than there might have been. I did learn a few things and I'm looking forward to learning more.

On the craft front, I finished a few small projects and reached 50% of a large project -

 

In the repair/fix-it department, I added hooks to my flyer and replaced the dryer belt. 

Tomorrow begins the Nanowrimo, which I will be participating in. I won't be writing a novel, instead I'll be writing about various memories I have of being a child. I don't have any grand dreams of being published, but it might be a nice story to share with my grandchildren someday.

For now, I will continue working on my knitting and relax for the rest of the day.