Catching up

Day fourteen: Star

The stars, the stars. Oh, how bright they'll shine, on that home that we build in the meadow.

Since I was a very young child I have been fascinated by the stars. I can remember traveling somewhere late in the night and looking up into the sky at the stars and wondering why they seemed to stay with us. I have no idea where we were going or coming from, only that I usually fell asleep with the stars in my dreams. Even when I was a little older (around 12 or so) my bed was positioned in such a way that I could look up as I drifted off.

I don't know that many constellations or even which stars are in the hemisphere, but I've always been able to pick out the Three Braves and the Bear, the Hunter, the Dragon. Occasionally I can find others, but it's not the imaginings of others that interest me the most, it's the wonder of the stars themselves. The distance, their size, and their beauty.

Day fifteen: Nature

Nature has always held a very important role in my life. From watching a mama "horny toad" with her babies in a Texas back yard to seeing the graceful swoop of a bald eagle in flight on the Huron River, I've always been able to feel a sense of wonder at the wildlife around me. Perhaps that is part of why I wanted to live in the mountains so much... there were more animals than people.

I could go one about this subject, but I think it would be a whole post an I do need to shower and get ready to sleep.

Day sixteen: Cycle

Each time the days shorten to nearly nothing I've felt a pull to slow down and really take a look at my life. At the same time I feel a great need to create something new and wonderful. In the years past I've used that fire to design a couple of sweaters. They both were fabulous in their own ways and I love them. Last year I was hit with another design, but haven't yet put it to paper. But it's there, building and waiting.

Around the Solstice I usually take time to be alone. I'm not sure how that will happen this year, but I will do what I can to make it so. Generally, I sit in silence and think about the longest night and how the Earth is shifting and tilting to give us the cycle of seasons. I think about the position of the planets around us and the cycle of the sun. I think about the animals sleeping soundly and the birds flitting from tree to tree. I think about Life and Death and how it all spirals around us, each day.

Day twelve: Ornament

Warm and Cozy

When I think about the ornaments I've had over the years I can't help but smile. There have been the cute homemade ones that the kids would bring home from school, their faces beaming with delight with the knowledge that they did something cool. There were special ones that we'd pick out each year, one new ornament for each of us. Even the simple glass balls that added a little glamour to our wee trees.

But my favorite one of all is this one. There is a hole in the back where a light plugs in (the regular strand kind of bulb) and creates a soft glow in the "room". I have had this since before Anthony was born, but I'm not sure exactly how far back. I do recall that I bought it from my Avon lady. This one is my favorite simply because it embodies all that I think of when I think of a warm and peaceful evening. The fireplace is glowing with the flames, the cat is curled up and sleeping, books on the mantle are waiting to be read, and the tree is quietly reminding us that Nature is a huge part of this season.

It's funny, the emotional attachment we place on things. I know that this is a silly bit of plastic, and I'm not even reminiscent of the time that it was purchased. Instead, it's the feeling of hope and wonder that it reminds me of.

May you all have a wonder-filled day.

Day ten: Lights

December 10, 2013

A day late... I did have a plan to post yesterday, but then shut off the computer without thinking.

I've always loved the magic and beauty of holiday lights. I've even had the white ones strung up around my house throughout the year (it's been a long time... I might have to do it again soon). I can recall laying on the floor of my Phoenix apartment with my kids just watching the tree twinkle to the music (I had a cool box that we'd plug the lights into).

Through the years I had lost the desire to put up a tree and decorations. I guess you could say that I was becoming a bit of a Scrooge. But that started to change a few years ago when Brianna told me that she really wanted a tree. It was then that I started to feel more "in the spirit" of the holidays. Instead of grumbling about the Christmas music in the stores I'd start to hum along (or sing if I knew the words). I'd even look at the new ornaments that were out for the year with delight instead of dread.

This year, Brianna and I decorated the house instead of a tree. This way, each room has something in it to bring a smile to our day. We hung the lights in our bedrooms since that is where we are most of the time and I can't help but smile when I walk into one of the rooms and see the bright colors.

Post a day?

I'm currently taking part in a crafty picture-a-day bit of fun and am enjoying it so far. I know that a part of my challenge is following it through to the end. I've been great at starting these things only to let it dwindle within a couple of weeks. But I'm saying that it's different now. Why? Because I will make it so.

Another woman (you really should check out her blog) put up this image a couple of days ago and I was thinking pretty hard about the prompts. But, I couldn't think of anything that would be "right" for the pictures. Only words. And so... I'm going to post each day based on the prompt. I'm going to be using this as a kickstart to getting this blog more current, more vibrant, and more On Fire.

Since I'm a few days late in getting started, I'll combine the first five days here:

One: Advent

I will admit that I don't have a clear understanding of what Advent is. I didn't attend church when I was young except for the occasional trip with Grammie or something like that. When I was about fourteen I was given the opportunity to visit a variety of churches so that I could find one that I liked. I ended up choosing the Peoria Presbyterian Church because of the way everyone felt like they knew each other, it was small, and the pastor and his family were pretty cool. Even though I attended every Sunday and even had a big part of the VBS, I didn't learn the particulars of each season. The basics, yes, but not the finer details.

So I looked up what "advent" means.

ad·vent

ˈadˌvent/

noun

noun: advent; plural noun: advents

1.

the arrival of a notable person, thing, or event.

2. Advent

   a. The liturgical period preceding Christmas, beginning in Western churches on the fourth Sunday before Christmas and in Eastern churches in mid-November, and observed by many Christians as a season of prayer, fasting, and penitence.

I'll be honest, that didn't really help me to understand. But I gave it some thought and broke it down in a way that resonated with me. "The arrival" of something notable. That could mean so many different things to each person. To me, it meant the coming of a time to learn more about my own Self. The same Self that I'd set aside because she didn't fit the role of what I thought was supposed to be. The same Self that was dwindling with each passing year. The same Self that wanted to fly and sing and dance. For many, this is a time of prayer and thoughtfulness. I will be using it for meditation, journaling, and growing.

Two :Wait

Waiting isn't easy for me. I'm not entirely sure why that is, but it's been that way for a long while now. Currently I am waiting to finish recovering from pneumonia. I've been impatient with the process, angry with my body's slowness and fatigue, and frustrated with my lungs' diminished capacity for deep breathing.

And yet... I'm learning to look at this as a lesson. To slow down, to listen to my limits, to say no when I am already overreaching and overworking. To take better care of my Self. To rest and to recharge. Sometimes waiting is exactly what is needed.

Three: Listen

My days used to be filled with music. I'd turn the radio on in the morning (or set up a few cds or a long playlist on the computer) and not turn it off until I went to bed. Sometimes I'd even set up a soothing bit of music to sleep by. That dwindled somewhat over the years and I missed it so very much. I can't place my finger on a time when I actually stopped turning the music on each day, but I know it's been a long time. On Tuesday (the day this prompt was for), I set up Pandora and left it running all day. It was so nice coming home to a beautiful song! It was also nice having the peace of the music flowing through my house all throughout the day.

Four: Promise

This one was harder to think about. You see, I have a promise inside just for Me. A promise that I cannot share aloud. But it is strong and proud and fierce. I can feel it glowing and growing. For now, I will share this bit... I promise to listen to my intuition and to act on the messages I feel/hear.

Five: Anticipation

In many ways, I've forgotten what anticipation felt like. I can clearly recall worry, wondering at an outcome, and even waiting for someone to show up at the door. But anticipation? That wonder-filled emotion that makes your breath come quicker, brings a smile to your eyes, and sends a tremor of delight through your bones? No, that's been a distant memory for ages. But... I was able to get Brianna a gift for Yule this year. One that she didn't ask for but I know that she wants it dearly. And it arrived yesterday while she was in school. Currently it is wrapped up and sitting on the altar next to the tree we have set up. and that feeling of anticipation began to bloom. I know that she won't care that I spent only a few dollars for it. I know that she won't care that it's not brand new. I also know that she will cherish it and it will bring that sparkle to her eyes. And I can't wait for her to open it. That is my anticipation right now.

Surprises, late

December 24 - 
On the 14th, I got a text from Anthony asking if I was awake. It was 4:21am. No, of course I wasn't, but I sent a text back and asked him what was going on. After a couple texts back & forth about little things, I was starting to get pretty annoyed. It seemed like a series of drunk texts, and I thought it was one of his friends or something. Then he called me and asked me to go outside. I grumbled about it being cold and some other nonsense, while I was trying to figure out why I'd want to walk outside in the wee hours of the morning. I could hear his cat in the background and figured he was at his friend's house. Well, I stepped into the entry, thinking there was something about the moon or something that he wanted to share with me (I still wasn't quite awake). Instead, I saw his smiling face in the outer door window. And the furry face of Athena. He'd been able to get leave, but wanted to surprise me with it. Very cool.

January 4 -
I started this a while ago and never got back to it... Oh well. It's been a fun couple of weeks for the most part. As you gathered from the previous paragraph, Anthony was home for the holidays. Having both of my kids here, truly, was the best gift of all.

What's going on now? I feel a renewed sense of direction in many areas of my life. Health is at the forefront of things, physical, spiritual, emotional... all of it. I have a list of goals and plans (not resolutions) and I'm looking forward to implementing them. These are all pretty personal and I don't really feel like sharing them right now. Perhaps, with time, I will, but for now they feel too fragile to put here is pixels.

In the meantime, here is the progress on my orchid. Isn't it fabulous!?

 

January 5 - Another cousin has been linked on my Facebook page. I can't help but feel a little strange knowing that there are people out there who are related to me, but whom I've never met. Entire lifetimes have passed between the time my mother moved us away and now. Children have been born, parents have died, joys have been experienced, sorrows have dealt their blows. And all without the knowledge of one another.   

January 7 - Our lives are truly precious. One small and simple mistake can really bring that into the forefront of my mind and make me take a really hard look at what my life is filled with. There was such a mistake last night. It was handled rather quickly (instincts kicked in immediately) and no one is worse for the wear. The only issue this morning is a raspy voice (mine). The short story is that I made chlorine gas last night unexpectedly. After clearing the house with fans and a call to Poison Control, I followed all the instructions they gave me. 

The whole thing didn't really sink in until this morning, though. Brianna slept through her alarm and, until I woke her up, I was slightly panicked. After she went to school I actually began shaking. Yes, I'm admitting this on here, I was scared. I'm not going to dwell on what might have happened (though I did briefly). Instead I'm going to see this as another wake-up call. One to make me take a hard look at what is in my Life, what needs to be reevaluated, what needs to be renegotiated, what needs to be let go of completely, and, perhaps most important of all, what needs to be cherished.

I'm still a little shaky, but I'm going to go workout for a little while. I'm hoping that will help.

Collecting moments

I've had days, lately, when I've felt like letting go, giving up, and retreating from life for a while. But what good would that do me? None at all. And so, I keep going. Perhaps this is part of being On Fire, too... small embers that are hidden in the ashes, just warm enough to relight the flames with just a bit of fresh air.

I've been writing a lot lately. Some of it is good stuff, some of it is just my hurts and concerns. Some will be burned in a small fire, some will be shared with the appropriate people, some will be buried in the yard. All of this is a way to help me get things sorted out and determine how to set my sails.

-

I've had this orchid for a couple years. Its flowers fell off long ago and it didn't put out another spike until recently. I had decided to mount it onto a piece of wood and hang it on the wall and in the process I noticed that there was a tiny spike with some nubby sections. I was so very excited and a little nervous that I'd messed it up from yanking it from the pot (the roots had attached themselves). Today it seems like a pretty happy plant.

I'm looking forward to seeing how this all turns out.

-


There are days when all seems to go right, and days when all seems to go wrong. But in each of those situations there are moments to hold onto. Anthony's smile when I opened the door, Brianna's laughter during a movie she didn't really care to watch, Kevin wrapping a warm blanket around me when I wasn't feeling good. These are all such small things, but have such an impact on my heart. When I think about these things I know that my life really is blessed. Each hard time is just a little sorrow in the grand scheme of things. Each smile is a ray of light helping me along.

-

This weekend was a little crazy, but all in all it was pretty good. I have a couple new ideas to implement for the business, a couple dreams to put on the shelf, a couple fires to light, and I'm looking forward to getting a few things cleared away so I can hang the new calendar with a fresh start. Some of this will be very easy, some will be quite a challenge... all of it is Life.

Not much...

It's been over two weeks since I last wrote. There isn't a specific reason, I just haven't gotten that many things finished lately. We did the turkey dinner for Thanksgiving and shared the time with family, I started a more focused effort on getting rid of junk around the place, I repaired the door handle on the Jeep, and I have been dyeing self-striping yarn.

That's really about it other than the myriad thoughts that are constantly going through my mind.

What an adventure!

These last two weeks have been filled with so many new things!

On the 13th I boarded a plane to Asheville, NC. This was the first flight I actually chose to take. The others were forced upon me due to moving (flying from Washington to Phoenix when I was 10) or necessity (a deposition when I was 30) and I was miserable the whole time I was on those flights. This one, however, was more filled with the excitement of what was to come and the lovely surprise planned for April. Everything went so smoothly, too. The security check was a breeze, the flight had no mishaps, there was a shuttle waiting to take me to the other gate for the connecting flight, and the weather was lovely.

On the 15th I ran/walked in the Asheville 5k. After the first burst of energy, I only ran downhill and walked uphill. There were a lot of hills!!! I was sure I'd end up taking a whole hour on that route, but I made it across the finish line in just over 44 minutes. I was mostly happy with that time. That afternoon Kam & April had a party and we all celebrated the run. (Kam & April ran the half marathon!) Good food, Patrón Cafe, laughter, and friendship... what a wonderful way to celebrate Life!

After that, there was a combination of new foods (my first Indian food), workouts, knitting, and a drive to Mount Mitchell. The whole set of pictures is here and I can honestly say that I enjoyed every moment of the trip. Even the workouts. I woke each morning at my normal times (5:30-ish) and stepped outside to greet the day. Each morning Moon Kitty would walk out there with me and sit by my feet while I breathed in the fresh morning air. Each evening I would fall asleep with a smile on my face. And through every moment I felt true gratitude that I was alive and able to see the beauty in everything around me.

And now I am home and thinking about all the stuff I want to do before the end of the year. Clearing out the house, getting even more healthy, working on my businesses of choice, and so much more. The cooler weather is setting in and it's time to begin looking inside for reflection. I have people in this world, near and far, who fully support me in all that I do. I have strength of heart and body to carry me through the tough times. I have creativity and passion to fuel my Life on Fire.

I am truly blessed.

Keeping quiet...

What can I say about this week? There are moments when a frenzied excitement comes over me for an event coming up next week. Then there are other moments when I'm almost terrified about the same thing. Crazy, huh? What I've been doing is staying pretty busy so I don't think about it very much. It helps a little. And I can't tell you guys what it is just yet. And so, I stay off the internet a lot.

This weekend was very nice. I had 3 days off the daycare and enjoyed each of them. Between good movies, good food, time with family, and some honest labor, I had a pretty good time. And now I can say that I have used a Sawzall! Yes, it was pretty weird feeling to do so. Still, that's one more power tool. Granted, I only made 2 cuts with it so I'm not able to say that I am experienced with it, but it was still pretty cool.

Even though this is very brief, I'm going to end it here. I just deleted 3 paragraphs that were more like a rambling than anything else. I do hope you all have a wonderful week!

Longer days

Oh, how the sunlight beckons me! And yet, the wind chills me in a way I didn't feel through the winter. Perhaps it is the tiredness from dream-filled nights. Perhaps I'm not drinking enough water. Who knows?

I sent a note to my Dad last week about my big change (some of you already know about it, others will know when it's finalized). He was interested in knowing how and why I came to that decision. I'm thinking I should type it out and send it to a few other people, if they ask.

~

I haven't written in a couple days mainly due to being tired. This morning, however (Friday) I woke knowing that I'd not dreamed. Or, at least, I don't remember them. I actually feel like I got enough sleep for a change, even though it was a short night. I hope tonight is the same.

I got a treadmill yesterday! Yes, I'm pretty excited about it. I've been riding the bike since December 1 and have been doing fairly well with it. Now, it's time to work the muscles a little differently. I know it will take a little getting used to, but I'm looking forward to using it a lot.

~

Oh! I have this fabulous idea! And I have an idea of how to make it work. But how will the colors look once they are knitted or crocheted? How will the items work? I think it's time to rally some crafting troops and see what happens. At best I'll get a few people to help me out with this. At worst, they will send me good thoughts and cheer me on. It's a winning situation all around.

(By the day's end I realized that I had troops aplenty! What a beautiful group of women!)

~

I'm so sleepy I can barely keep my eyes open, but I want to get this out before I tell my loved ones good night.

I spent today mostly outdoors. The early afternoon was spent gathering dandelions (Kevin has a humongous yard, and a good portion of it is far from automobile exhaust and anything else detrimental to health). I am not sure what recipe I'll be trying out, but they will certainly get put to good use. After I filled up the bowl, I sat in the sun with Kevin's grandson, Demetrius. At one point he decided that I needed more flowers and began decorating my legs with them. What a cool kid.

Kevin was doing some yard work and called us over to see something. It was a toad! How cool it is to see such creatures right there in the yard. After I got a couple pictures and Demetrius looked at it, the toad tried to dig himself in even further.

Even though this was the first Easter I spent without any blood-related people, it was a great day.

~

Today I start dyeing with a new idea! I'm so very excited about this. My new equipment will finish arriving today (some of it came on Saturday) and I am ready to get started. I'm really looking forward to getting all the samples shipped out so that the projects can get started. This is so exciting!

I also am looking forward to a couple knitting ideas I have for a very special skein of yarn. Before I start that one, though, I will be finishing up a few other projects (socks & scarf).

This will be a great week!

Deep changes

I can feel so many changes in the winds! Some I am nervous about, while others bring me a sense of excitement.

I woke this morning around 2 with a storm moving in. I did the normal routine: check for weather alerts, debate sending a text to Kevin, check the candle, check the sleeping child, check the cats, watch the lightning for a little bit, lay back down. I love storms. and the energy they bring. I know I'm usually a little tired during the following days, but I wouldn't sleep through them if I could.

Tuesdays are generally fun for me since I spend time with the dyes and "play". What will come out of the pots? I'm usually surprised with the color combinations that happen. Today felt like it needed to be spring colors.

-

Thursday: Yesterday was a weird day for me. I'm not going to go into details, but I had to come to terms with something I didn't want. Instead of looking at this as a negative I'm going to hold onto some words that were said to me and see this as a positive step to my good health.

-

Some storms are just more awesome than others. Last night it hailed and the energy helped to create a playful mood. Afterward, the thunder continued rumbling and creating energy surges. Yes, it was another sleep-short night, but it was definitely well worth it.

Today's shop update will be filled with the new colors and I hope my customers like them as much as I do. Several skeins are going into the bin for Tour de Sock since I'm one of the event sponsors again. The winners last year were pretty happy with the prizes and I'm hoping they will be again.

-

Monday: The weekend was filled with some pretty cool events. Brianna's first pair of track shoes were bought, time spent talking with Kevin, time spent with other family members, good journaling, and knitting. There are moments in my life when I truly believe it can't get better. Then I think of how wondrous the future will be and I know that I am going to love every bit of it. Hard times, good times, I'm looking forward to them all.

Tomorrow will be another big step for me. Some of you already know about it, and the rest will know very soon. Ostara. Six weeks after that will be Beltane. Both are powerful celebrations for Pagans and they both will have a special meaning for me. I look forward to telling you all about it.

For now, I hope you all have a chance to enjoy the beauty of Spring.

A New Year

Tuesday: This morning was a good bike ride. I was up and sweaty then showered before 6:45. I have to admit that I do like getting up really early to get this out of the way. Having the daycare kids here all day was a little bit of a drag, but mostly because I have so many ideas for the shop and I want to work on them.

Kevin & I figured out what we're doing for New Year's Eve and, while it's not what I'd originally thought of, I think it will be lovely.

Wednesday: The burner went out on the stove the other day and I finally go around to looking up prices. I had no idea a simple 8" burner coil cost that much! Luckily, this one is the same size as the burner toward the back of the stove, so I'm still in business. It's now on the list of things to fix.

Great news! I've been sorted back into Gryffindor for the House Cup. I really love this group of people. The tolerance, the fun, the caring, and the friendships... I can't think of anything else like it. Now it's time to figure out which projects I'll be focusing on for this term and keep them open enough to fit the assignments.

Thursday: Wow. A very unusual occurrence with a hawk and my window just now. I'm not going to go into a lot of detail, but the hawk seemed fine (he flew away) and I was only a little shaken from being startled so much. And now I can't help but to think...

I have so many other thoughts going through my head, too, but they will not be shared. It's enough to say that I'm looking forward to this weekend and the time I get to spend with Kevin & Brianna.

Friday: I rode for an hour this morning! Yes, a whole hour. I went 16.1 miles and felt pretty darn good about it.  I'm thinking this should be incorporated each week. I'd still keep 3 day of 30 minutes, and have 1 day of 60 minutes. It certainly wouldn't hurt.

Kevin & I got the shopping done for the weekend. Homemade enchiladas, chocolate chip cookies, and the last 3 Terminator movies. Brianna hasn't seen them yet so this ought to be fun. She's going to bake the cookies & I'll make the enchiladas. I love the fact that we're going to be spending this together. As silly as this might seem, I think this will be the best New Year's Eve Ive had in a very long time.

Saturday: What a... strange day. I got word from Anthony that he might be home by the middle of February. Or the end. Or later. Basically, he really doesn't have any idea. I'm hoping it's sooner, but I've been hoping that for a while now.

Another odd thing that happened was a blast from the past. I can't help but wish the past would stay there. People just don't get it that I walked away from it all for a reason. I think it was handled well and am hoping it is finished.

In a bit we're heading out to Kevin's. I am really looking forward to this! I know, I know, it's just a night in, but this year it will be spent with 2 of my favorite people. And this year I don't have to convince myself that I'm happy being at home by myself. See? This year is On Fire!

Sunday: Home from a wonderful weekend! Good food, loads of smiles, laughter, great people, I couldn't ask for much more than that.

We drove home in nearly-blizzard conditions for part of the drive, but it cleared up before we got to town. It didn't take long after we'd gotten inside before the storm reached us again. I'm really glad we weren't on the streets any longer than what we were.

Brianna has school tomorrow, which I disagree with, but I'm not the one to make the rules. I offered to let her stay home, but she spoke about missing something important in the classes and I'm certainly not going to argue with that.

I spent some quiet time this morning with some card readings, making notes for the business, and enjoying the feel of a house full of loved ones. Yes, yes, it was only two people, but it was still a blessed feeling. One that just can't be replaced with anything else. I think it was a wonderful way to start the year.

Monday: I am starting my Magick Number sweater! I know it's going to be beautiful. I know I will get all the cables figured out. I know it will fit me beautifully when it's finished.

I didn't get on the bike this morning, but that's okay. I spent some time this morning with yoga, hula-hooping, assisted chin-ups and gentle stretches. Tomorrow will be for the bike.

I'm also researching what ll is needed for some of my business ideas. There are so many ideas going through my head and I just need to get them settled and figured out. I cna do this.

Endings

Tuesday: I entered my own choice of number for the extra skeins in the club yarn. Normally I don't do this. After all, I'm the dyer, not the member. But, a few of the other women pointed out that I am a member and that if I really want an extra skein, I should put in a number. So, after checking the budget (fridge is full, bills are paid, gas in the vehicle) I put in for a skein. We'll see if my number comes up. What would I do with 2 skeins? Well, it's blue & sparkles and would make a lovely shawl.

Wednesday: According to the calendar today is the last day before Winter Solstice. How do I feel about this? I'm not sure. There have been so many days when I have spent hours in contemplation. What accomplishments come from that? A lot of self-learning. I'm still not sure how I feel about the end of the season (even though there has been precious little snow so far), but I do know that there are internal issues that I've worked through and feel better about letting them go.

Thursday: I completed the last project for the "111 in 2011" group. I really surprised myself with this accomplishment since I wasn't really sure I could do it. I had a lot of fun looking over other people's projects and seeing my own adding up.

Friday: I let go of a concept today. The concept of size. You see, I was told a number for an ideal size for me. A healthy one, not a twig, not a "big girl", but a good size for the Woman I am striving to be. The best Me I can be. I was afraid to embrace that number simply because I wasn't sure if I'd still be desirable (yeah, silly, right?) or even sexy. After all, so many times we are told that "real women" have some meat on their bones, have curves, aren't afraid of being bigger. But (and I know I may be stepping on several toes here), I know women who are tiny in size and they are not less of a woman simply because they are skinny. For example, "T" is a tiny woman, she's got three kids with her husband, has worked hard to get ahead, is an awesome Mom, and has a wonderful personality. Another one, "M", is a tiny slip of a thing and has a heart of gold, is friendly and loves her friends. Another one, "K", is also thin and is a former Marine, runs marathons, loves her partner deeply, and is always ready to help someone out. Are these women less? No way! And so, I let go of that thought and began designing a sweater that will fit me in a few months and is going to fit me very well six months from now as well. Because a "real woman" isn't defined by how many curves she has, she's defined by the Life she puts into her life.

Saturday: The battle of the shower room is coming to a close. I have tried every non-toxic product I could find and still have been struggling with that icky black crap. Well, it is now just about gone. Yes, bleach is my weapon. I have finally admitted that the stuff that grows up here is significantly different than the stuff that grew in Phoenix. Perhaps scientists will say otherwise, but I've been fighting with this stuff for far too long to believe that it's the same species. I like the clear walls and the clean look to the shower now. I will remain vigilant, however.

Sunday: The last of the laundry is done and the clutter in my room has been eliminated. I'm letting go of the habit to leave things until the eleventh hour. There is so much of a difference in the energy that flows here when things are cleared away. I'm letting go of that thought that I don't have enough time to put stuff away. I'm also letting go of some thoughts for Alina Shea Creations. They were limiting thoughts. Ones that may lead to a dwindling of the business and that's not what I need. I need to be positive.

Monday: Ah, the holiday weekend is finally over. There are so many different emotions associated with this year. Sadness because 75% of the people I wanted to spend time with were not here, happiness at the 25% who were here, worry about Anthony, Love for my chosen family, sorrow for the people who are far from home, joy over the thought that was put into my Yule gifts, peace with the knowledge that things will be okay one way or another... and so many more. And now, the day draws to a close and I am looking forward to a sound slumber and waking with the Fire to begin a new week (even though it's Tuesday).

Yes, my life right now is on Fire in so many ways!

Roller-coaster

Tuesday - With Brianna's help, I pulled all the old tarp off the shed. I'll be letting it dry out before putting new ones on. Yuck, what a gross job... and I was on  a ladder. Ugh. The funny thing is that I'm only a little nervous getting up on the roof and working up there. I am scared to death about coming back down.

Wednesday - We got snow! It wasn't a lot and it melted away in the sunny parts of the yard nearly as soon as the sun touched it, but it was still pretty cool. I'm both looking forward to, and dreading the winter.

Thursday - I finished up most of the holiday cared and they will go out tomorrow. This yearn I'm sending them to so many people! I don't know if I can do that every year, but it would be kind of nice. I also took time to clean out my wallet and a couple other areas of the house. There is still so much to do, but I am looking at it all, one day at a time.

Friday - I updated the shop with several gradient colors today. I love how they look, even though they take so much longer than the others.

Saturday - Sleep was elusive. Kevin walked me through fixing the light in the utility room. I am so glad he let me do the work. There were some parts he did, but it wasn't because I couldn't have, more because it was really messy. He then took us out for dinner & shopping. Well, it was more Brianna's shopping than anything. She didn't want me in the store when she got my gift, but insisted that he be there. Odd. Anyway, that is the last of our holiday shopping.

Sunday - What a wonderful feeling! I can't even describe it well, so I won't try.

Monday - This day has been so filled with emotional ups & downs. I woke with a feeling of hope for the day, then found out that what I'd been looking forward to wasn't going to happen right now. Then I was thrilled at bicycling more than 10 miles through Middle Earth. After that, I was blasted with a wave of jealousy that I didn't think was possible. Then guilt, because it was directed at the families whose military members were arriving from Iraq. The tears that came with that were uncontrollable and I actually had to just let them fall. Afterward I felt drained and wished for... well, what I couldn't have at the moment. I've come to grips with it, with the help from several friends. I am only human. I also finished a few house projects which helped a little, too. Now, at the end of this day, I am trying to stay hopeful for the future and easy on myself. Even when the negative emotions flare up.

Trying something new...

This week I'm going to try writing a little each day, then publish it on Monday. We;ll see how that works out.

Tuesday: My appointment was this morning and it turns out that my sugars are a little elevated, but not to the point of being out of control. The rest of the symptoms are most likely related to stress. How to combat it? Movement, for the most part. Brianna and I found a stationary bike at Goodwill for only $25. It's not fancy, but we can adjust the tension and it has a timer on it. Not bad. I only "rode" it for 15 minutes and knitted part of that time.

Wednesday: I finished a hat that I'll be sending off to Anthony -

Thursday: I started a new blog for my health called 6849 Miles. I'll be bicycling the length of Sam's and Frodo's journey to Mordor and back with a couple side trips tossed in. I'm doing this mainly to help keep myself motivated. I have too many wonderful things going on in my life to let myself be unhealthy.

Friday: After hearing from a couple members on Ravelry, I decided to start a new thread for our health. It will be smaller than the Gryffindor Gym and I'm hoping it will help us cheer each other on. A few others will be traveling along this trip as well. Not necessarily biking or walking, but they will be doing what needs to be done for themselves and that means a lot. I also began an interesting challenge from Silver Ravenwolf. Each day we get rid of at least one item. She does give "missions" and that will help keep the focus.

We also bought our Yule tree! This year we get a Douglas Fir instead of a Scotch Pine. It's a little smaller than the last couple years, but it looks so cute! And the needles aren't nearly as sharp.

Saturday: Kevin took me to dinner and a show! It was really cool to see It's a Wonderful Life on stage. True, this is a small-town venue, but it was really nice. That was the first time I'd been in the Sandusky State Theater and I liked the feel of the place. I'm hoping we can go again before long to see something else.

It was really nice getting dressed up and doing something different.

Sunday: Brianna and I decorated our tree. It still feels a little odd to know that Anthony will not be here, but I kept good cheer and Brianna was pretty happy with it all. The packages under there now look  a little funny, but that's only because Anthony had them sent to us and told us that we couldn't open them until Yule.

We might open them on the 17th, though, and that's mainly because of the work schedule.