Endings

Tuesday: I entered my own choice of number for the extra skeins in the club yarn. Normally I don't do this. After all, I'm the dyer, not the member. But, a few of the other women pointed out that I am a member and that if I really want an extra skein, I should put in a number. So, after checking the budget (fridge is full, bills are paid, gas in the vehicle) I put in for a skein. We'll see if my number comes up. What would I do with 2 skeins? Well, it's blue & sparkles and would make a lovely shawl.

Wednesday: According to the calendar today is the last day before Winter Solstice. How do I feel about this? I'm not sure. There have been so many days when I have spent hours in contemplation. What accomplishments come from that? A lot of self-learning. I'm still not sure how I feel about the end of the season (even though there has been precious little snow so far), but I do know that there are internal issues that I've worked through and feel better about letting them go.

Thursday: I completed the last project for the "111 in 2011" group. I really surprised myself with this accomplishment since I wasn't really sure I could do it. I had a lot of fun looking over other people's projects and seeing my own adding up.

Friday: I let go of a concept today. The concept of size. You see, I was told a number for an ideal size for me. A healthy one, not a twig, not a "big girl", but a good size for the Woman I am striving to be. The best Me I can be. I was afraid to embrace that number simply because I wasn't sure if I'd still be desirable (yeah, silly, right?) or even sexy. After all, so many times we are told that "real women" have some meat on their bones, have curves, aren't afraid of being bigger. But (and I know I may be stepping on several toes here), I know women who are tiny in size and they are not less of a woman simply because they are skinny. For example, "T" is a tiny woman, she's got three kids with her husband, has worked hard to get ahead, is an awesome Mom, and has a wonderful personality. Another one, "M", is a tiny slip of a thing and has a heart of gold, is friendly and loves her friends. Another one, "K", is also thin and is a former Marine, runs marathons, loves her partner deeply, and is always ready to help someone out. Are these women less? No way! And so, I let go of that thought and began designing a sweater that will fit me in a few months and is going to fit me very well six months from now as well. Because a "real woman" isn't defined by how many curves she has, she's defined by the Life she puts into her life.

Saturday: The battle of the shower room is coming to a close. I have tried every non-toxic product I could find and still have been struggling with that icky black crap. Well, it is now just about gone. Yes, bleach is my weapon. I have finally admitted that the stuff that grows up here is significantly different than the stuff that grew in Phoenix. Perhaps scientists will say otherwise, but I've been fighting with this stuff for far too long to believe that it's the same species. I like the clear walls and the clean look to the shower now. I will remain vigilant, however.

Sunday: The last of the laundry is done and the clutter in my room has been eliminated. I'm letting go of the habit to leave things until the eleventh hour. There is so much of a difference in the energy that flows here when things are cleared away. I'm letting go of that thought that I don't have enough time to put stuff away. I'm also letting go of some thoughts for Alina Shea Creations. They were limiting thoughts. Ones that may lead to a dwindling of the business and that's not what I need. I need to be positive.

Monday: Ah, the holiday weekend is finally over. There are so many different emotions associated with this year. Sadness because 75% of the people I wanted to spend time with were not here, happiness at the 25% who were here, worry about Anthony, Love for my chosen family, sorrow for the people who are far from home, joy over the thought that was put into my Yule gifts, peace with the knowledge that things will be okay one way or another... and so many more. And now, the day draws to a close and I am looking forward to a sound slumber and waking with the Fire to begin a new week (even though it's Tuesday).

Yes, my life right now is on Fire in so many ways!