Not much...

It's been over two weeks since I last wrote. There isn't a specific reason, I just haven't gotten that many things finished lately. We did the turkey dinner for Thanksgiving and shared the time with family, I started a more focused effort on getting rid of junk around the place, I repaired the door handle on the Jeep, and I have been dyeing self-striping yarn.

That's really about it other than the myriad thoughts that are constantly going through my mind.

Creativity

There are times when I wonder what kind of a life I'd have lived if I wasn't creative. Then I laugh because I know that's just not possible. And I am filled with joy.

I finally know what I'll be doing with the denim jacket that was given to me a few years ago. I wanted it to be really special since someone very special gave it to me. I wanted to show my Spirituality with the honor I feel it deserves. I wanted to include vibrant colors for the Life I feel. I wanted it to be beautiful. And now, I have decided to embroider several designs onto the front and back of this jacket. Yes, it will take longer than painting it, but I will be stitching a lot of gratitude and intention with each stitch. I can't wait to get started!

I split wood this past weekend. I know many people see that as a chore and a bother, but I truly enjoy it. There is a certain sense of satisfaction that comes from knowing that I can do that. That I can take these large pieces of wood and shape them into something useful. Granted, it's not really "survival" anymore, but it still feels good.

While pulverizing one piece (I didn't say I was great at splitting wood, only that I enjoy it), I chipped off a piece that will be perfect for mounting my orchid onto. I still need some wire & moss, but I know it's going to look pretty cool when I'm done with it.

Lately I've been thinking about my direction. Where have I been? Where am I hoping to go? Where am I now? There were a lot of good things about where I've been (along with some challenges) and I try to see it all as helping me to get to where I want to be. There are some paths that I long to take and, even though the future is pretty scary sometimes, I look forward to facing the stumbles. And, there are bright moments about where I am, even though I can't always see them. All in all, this life is a good one. Perhaps not entirely what I'd hoped for, or what my mother had hoped for, but good nonetheless. And I'm determined to keep making it better.

Pictures, Late

October 29 -


October 31 -

This past weekend I got to drill through a cinder block. Not quite as exciting as drilling into a rock, but still interesting.

November 10 marked the anniversary of the first time my Dad held me. He'd returned from Viet Nam (his second tour there) and still hadn't gotten to see pictures of me. So, in a way, I was unreal to him until the day he held me. I think it's pretty cool that it is also the USMC birthday.

I don't have anything stellar to write today, so I'll be wishing you all a bright day, even through the rain.

Indian Summer

Do you know what the term "Indian Summer" means? It's a period of unseasonably warm (and dry) weather that comes after a killing frost. We had the frost and now we are having warm weather, albeit a little wet.

Did you also know that it means a period of happiness or success late in life? I didn't, but it makes a lot of sense. I'm still mulling that one over, but I like it a lot. How much frost and cold and death do we experience as we get older? The day to day struggle, the sorrow of our children growing up and leaving home, the loss of loved ones and friends. In the middle of it all we are also blessed with finding new ways to be successful, the joy and pride of seeing our children making it on their own, and welcoming new lives and friends.

This past week has been a lot of struggle for me. It's not often that I feel maudlin about my mother's passing, but this last week I did. There are things going on in my life that I'd like to tell her about. Successes, lessons learned, the beauty and love that I feel for my own children, the pride I have in myself for not being a charity case... and so much more.

Often I am enjoying new adventures and I feel so much amazement at most of them. This weekend? Well, I used the winch on the Jeep to help bring down a tree, but the best part of the day was climbing the side of a very steep hill with Brianna. It was a little scary at many points simply because the ground was still waterlogged, there was a thick layer of damp leaves over loads of acorns, and neither of us were wearing proper shoes. But when we reached the top, it felt amazing to know that we did it with no major injuries. And the memory of the look on Brianna's face was something I will carry with me for the rest of my years as a wonderful blessing.

I've been pushing myself in other ways, too. The exercising, for example. I ramped up to an hour each day (split into 30 minute sessions) and on Friday I reached Lothlorien with a total of 921.6 Miles. I was so excited by that milestone! I know I still have many more to go, but I am looking forward to continuing this journey.

At the end of this day, I am looking forward to falling asleep and hoping that the people I love will wake tomorrow with a smile in their hearts and a liveliness to their steps.

Namasté.

Espresso!

Yes, I now have a lovely machine to create espresso and cappuccino. It's from my Dad and I've been playing around with getting the froth right. I love the fact that my 1% milk can bring such a rich and creamy texture to my coffee each day. I just might stop buying half & half. You see, while I was in Asheville I had a couple chai lattes and have decided that I really like it a lot. I'll be using this little machine to enjoy that sweet drink (with stevia instead of sugar) right here at home.

I also got a new dress. This is something that I'd not planned to do for quite some time, but we had a wedding to attend on the 13th and I just didn't feel right wearing my Gypsyesque attire. And so, we went shopping and found something at the local Goodwill (I really do like that place). I wasn't really sure how it would look on me since the mirrors in the dressing rooms are inadequate and I had the opinion of a teen daughter who really didn't feel like shopping. After it was washed & dried, I put it back on and was told again that it looked pretty good on me.

The wedding was a lovely event. Outdoors, nice breeze, great temperatures. And! My friend Maha was the one officiating (she also does healing work). How cool is that? When we got to the reception I was quite impressed with the simple, yet elegant decor. Very Autumn-like with various squashes, pine cones, and apples. The food was Mediterranean and was delicious. I splurged a bit that day with the gyro bread and didn't feel guilty at all.

Afterward we enjoyed a quiet weekend with laughter, movies, and the great feeling of family.

Sunday morning I woke thinking about my Mom (it was her birthday) and how much more I miss her now than I did when I was only twenty-three. I hardly gave her a second thought for a few years after she passed away. I'd carried resentment for so many things and just figured it was better to leave her out of my thoughts than to get angry every time she crossed my mind. It wasn't until a month or so after my car accident that I began to think of her with any kind of appreciation. Brianna brought that about with her complete faith in her angel, who I am certain was my mother.

While on the phone with my Dad that night, though... I could hear in his voice the love he still has for her. Yes, even after all of these years. They've been apart for nearly four decades at this point. No, I'm not joking. I think I was four years old at the time she left him. And still, his voice cracks a little when he speaks of her.

I feel blessed to have come from a love like that.

Settled in...

Well, everything has been put away and things have settled back into a routine. My days are as busy as ever and I feel pretty happy with the daily accomplishments most of the time. Still, there are times  when I think about sleeping the day away.

But then I remember how much I have to do or want to do, and I know that a nap would not be an option.

I'm over the weird cold I had and am looking forward to becoming more active in the workouts. Last week was a bit of a bust. But I know that I will still have enough time to achieve my goals.

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Oddly enough, I'm not feeling that much inspiration to write much else today. I've been busy with some clearing out, some journaling, some candles, and more. Other than that, there is nothing new to mention.

I do hope you all have a beautiful week!

What an adventure!

These last two weeks have been filled with so many new things!

On the 13th I boarded a plane to Asheville, NC. This was the first flight I actually chose to take. The others were forced upon me due to moving (flying from Washington to Phoenix when I was 10) or necessity (a deposition when I was 30) and I was miserable the whole time I was on those flights. This one, however, was more filled with the excitement of what was to come and the lovely surprise planned for April. Everything went so smoothly, too. The security check was a breeze, the flight had no mishaps, there was a shuttle waiting to take me to the other gate for the connecting flight, and the weather was lovely.

On the 15th I ran/walked in the Asheville 5k. After the first burst of energy, I only ran downhill and walked uphill. There were a lot of hills!!! I was sure I'd end up taking a whole hour on that route, but I made it across the finish line in just over 44 minutes. I was mostly happy with that time. That afternoon Kam & April had a party and we all celebrated the run. (Kam & April ran the half marathon!) Good food, Patrón Cafe, laughter, and friendship... what a wonderful way to celebrate Life!

After that, there was a combination of new foods (my first Indian food), workouts, knitting, and a drive to Mount Mitchell. The whole set of pictures is here and I can honestly say that I enjoyed every moment of the trip. Even the workouts. I woke each morning at my normal times (5:30-ish) and stepped outside to greet the day. Each morning Moon Kitty would walk out there with me and sit by my feet while I breathed in the fresh morning air. Each evening I would fall asleep with a smile on my face. And through every moment I felt true gratitude that I was alive and able to see the beauty in everything around me.

And now I am home and thinking about all the stuff I want to do before the end of the year. Clearing out the house, getting even more healthy, working on my businesses of choice, and so much more. The cooler weather is setting in and it's time to begin looking inside for reflection. I have people in this world, near and far, who fully support me in all that I do. I have strength of heart and body to carry me through the tough times. I have creativity and passion to fuel my Life on Fire.

I am truly blessed.

Life is strange

I can't help but wonder sometimes, why life can be so odd most of the time. A rush of feelings, whether negative or positive can affect the way you look at the day, at the week, at the decade. It is up to us to determine and choose which way we want to handle it all. Even when the decision may be the tougher road, it might be necessary.

Even with those thoughts in my head I know that there are some really amazing things coming my way. I can't share them just yet, but there is a strong love that started this event, a stronger love that put the event into motion, and an even stronger love that is following through with it all. Sounds confusing, doesn't it? Well, a friend asked a question, that question prompted a gift, and the love I have for myself is pushing me to accept the gift with grace and enjoy every moment of it. Even the scary parts.

Keeping quiet...

What can I say about this week? There are moments when a frenzied excitement comes over me for an event coming up next week. Then there are other moments when I'm almost terrified about the same thing. Crazy, huh? What I've been doing is staying pretty busy so I don't think about it very much. It helps a little. And I can't tell you guys what it is just yet. And so, I stay off the internet a lot.

This weekend was very nice. I had 3 days off the daycare and enjoyed each of them. Between good movies, good food, time with family, and some honest labor, I had a pretty good time. And now I can say that I have used a Sawzall! Yes, it was pretty weird feeling to do so. Still, that's one more power tool. Granted, I only made 2 cuts with it so I'm not able to say that I am experienced with it, but it was still pretty cool.

Even though this is very brief, I'm going to end it here. I just deleted 3 paragraphs that were more like a rambling than anything else. I do hope you all have a wonderful week!

Rainy Monday

Sometimes I forget that there is something special to focus on. All I can see is the stuff right in front of me and it all looks broken and ready to crumble. I find it hard to remember that there are things of beauty and Life just beyond my immediate surroundings. That the possibilities of tomorrow are just around the corner. I know, the teachings are to live in the moment, but when I do that for too long I lose a little hope in the future.
I will admit that there are times when being a mom is just... challenging.


Brianna is becoming the typical teenager and it is hard to get used to. Some of the words she says are hurtful, and I know she is just trying to find her way. All I can do is keep nudging her in the best direction possible and hope that she finds her footing on her own path of strength and courage.

It's Thursday night I'm still a little stunned at this day. It started out with a painful
moment with Brianna, then became an offer for something special in the late afternoon. I can't really share what that offer is since it's all going to be a surprise. I will only say that I'm very excited and a little terrified. But it's a very good thing.

Monday - I'll admit that this is the first rainy day that I have felt energized instead of sleepy in a very long time. I think I know why that is, too. You see, there have been a few things that have been weighing heavy on my mind. Things that are my responsibility and... well, let's just say they were bringing me down. I spoke about them this weekend and felt so much better afterward. Not only because it was now a shared burden, but because it was pointed out to me that the burden really wasn't that big of a deal and that, no matter what, everything would be okay.

My day, so far, has been filled with uninterrupted reading, preparing yarn, playing with kittens, running on the treadmill, and standing in the rain. This was a much-needed break from the summer and I have enjoyed each moment of it.

Brianna walked home in the rain on her first day as a sophomore. I knew that was what she wanted and I was happy to see the smile on her face when she walked up the sidewalk, soaking wet. There are lots of papers to fill out, of course, and I finished that up before dinner. There is one mix-up with a class (she took it already) and it should eb straightened out soon. We'll see what tomorrow holds.

May you all have a beautiful week.