Indian Summer

Do you know what the term "Indian Summer" means? It's a period of unseasonably warm (and dry) weather that comes after a killing frost. We had the frost and now we are having warm weather, albeit a little wet.

Did you also know that it means a period of happiness or success late in life? I didn't, but it makes a lot of sense. I'm still mulling that one over, but I like it a lot. How much frost and cold and death do we experience as we get older? The day to day struggle, the sorrow of our children growing up and leaving home, the loss of loved ones and friends. In the middle of it all we are also blessed with finding new ways to be successful, the joy and pride of seeing our children making it on their own, and welcoming new lives and friends.

This past week has been a lot of struggle for me. It's not often that I feel maudlin about my mother's passing, but this last week I did. There are things going on in my life that I'd like to tell her about. Successes, lessons learned, the beauty and love that I feel for my own children, the pride I have in myself for not being a charity case... and so much more.

Often I am enjoying new adventures and I feel so much amazement at most of them. This weekend? Well, I used the winch on the Jeep to help bring down a tree, but the best part of the day was climbing the side of a very steep hill with Brianna. It was a little scary at many points simply because the ground was still waterlogged, there was a thick layer of damp leaves over loads of acorns, and neither of us were wearing proper shoes. But when we reached the top, it felt amazing to know that we did it with no major injuries. And the memory of the look on Brianna's face was something I will carry with me for the rest of my years as a wonderful blessing.

I've been pushing myself in other ways, too. The exercising, for example. I ramped up to an hour each day (split into 30 minute sessions) and on Friday I reached Lothlorien with a total of 921.6 Miles. I was so excited by that milestone! I know I still have many more to go, but I am looking forward to continuing this journey.

At the end of this day, I am looking forward to falling asleep and hoping that the people I love will wake tomorrow with a smile in their hearts and a liveliness to their steps.

Namasté.

Espresso!

Yes, I now have a lovely machine to create espresso and cappuccino. It's from my Dad and I've been playing around with getting the froth right. I love the fact that my 1% milk can bring such a rich and creamy texture to my coffee each day. I just might stop buying half & half. You see, while I was in Asheville I had a couple chai lattes and have decided that I really like it a lot. I'll be using this little machine to enjoy that sweet drink (with stevia instead of sugar) right here at home.

I also got a new dress. This is something that I'd not planned to do for quite some time, but we had a wedding to attend on the 13th and I just didn't feel right wearing my Gypsyesque attire. And so, we went shopping and found something at the local Goodwill (I really do like that place). I wasn't really sure how it would look on me since the mirrors in the dressing rooms are inadequate and I had the opinion of a teen daughter who really didn't feel like shopping. After it was washed & dried, I put it back on and was told again that it looked pretty good on me.

The wedding was a lovely event. Outdoors, nice breeze, great temperatures. And! My friend Maha was the one officiating (she also does healing work). How cool is that? When we got to the reception I was quite impressed with the simple, yet elegant decor. Very Autumn-like with various squashes, pine cones, and apples. The food was Mediterranean and was delicious. I splurged a bit that day with the gyro bread and didn't feel guilty at all.

Afterward we enjoyed a quiet weekend with laughter, movies, and the great feeling of family.

Sunday morning I woke thinking about my Mom (it was her birthday) and how much more I miss her now than I did when I was only twenty-three. I hardly gave her a second thought for a few years after she passed away. I'd carried resentment for so many things and just figured it was better to leave her out of my thoughts than to get angry every time she crossed my mind. It wasn't until a month or so after my car accident that I began to think of her with any kind of appreciation. Brianna brought that about with her complete faith in her angel, who I am certain was my mother.

While on the phone with my Dad that night, though... I could hear in his voice the love he still has for her. Yes, even after all of these years. They've been apart for nearly four decades at this point. No, I'm not joking. I think I was four years old at the time she left him. And still, his voice cracks a little when he speaks of her.

I feel blessed to have come from a love like that.

Settled in...

Well, everything has been put away and things have settled back into a routine. My days are as busy as ever and I feel pretty happy with the daily accomplishments most of the time. Still, there are times  when I think about sleeping the day away.

But then I remember how much I have to do or want to do, and I know that a nap would not be an option.

I'm over the weird cold I had and am looking forward to becoming more active in the workouts. Last week was a bit of a bust. But I know that I will still have enough time to achieve my goals.

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Oddly enough, I'm not feeling that much inspiration to write much else today. I've been busy with some clearing out, some journaling, some candles, and more. Other than that, there is nothing new to mention.

I do hope you all have a beautiful week!

What an adventure!

These last two weeks have been filled with so many new things!

On the 13th I boarded a plane to Asheville, NC. This was the first flight I actually chose to take. The others were forced upon me due to moving (flying from Washington to Phoenix when I was 10) or necessity (a deposition when I was 30) and I was miserable the whole time I was on those flights. This one, however, was more filled with the excitement of what was to come and the lovely surprise planned for April. Everything went so smoothly, too. The security check was a breeze, the flight had no mishaps, there was a shuttle waiting to take me to the other gate for the connecting flight, and the weather was lovely.

On the 15th I ran/walked in the Asheville 5k. After the first burst of energy, I only ran downhill and walked uphill. There were a lot of hills!!! I was sure I'd end up taking a whole hour on that route, but I made it across the finish line in just over 44 minutes. I was mostly happy with that time. That afternoon Kam & April had a party and we all celebrated the run. (Kam & April ran the half marathon!) Good food, Patrón Cafe, laughter, and friendship... what a wonderful way to celebrate Life!

After that, there was a combination of new foods (my first Indian food), workouts, knitting, and a drive to Mount Mitchell. The whole set of pictures is here and I can honestly say that I enjoyed every moment of the trip. Even the workouts. I woke each morning at my normal times (5:30-ish) and stepped outside to greet the day. Each morning Moon Kitty would walk out there with me and sit by my feet while I breathed in the fresh morning air. Each evening I would fall asleep with a smile on my face. And through every moment I felt true gratitude that I was alive and able to see the beauty in everything around me.

And now I am home and thinking about all the stuff I want to do before the end of the year. Clearing out the house, getting even more healthy, working on my businesses of choice, and so much more. The cooler weather is setting in and it's time to begin looking inside for reflection. I have people in this world, near and far, who fully support me in all that I do. I have strength of heart and body to carry me through the tough times. I have creativity and passion to fuel my Life on Fire.

I am truly blessed.

Life is strange

I can't help but wonder sometimes, why life can be so odd most of the time. A rush of feelings, whether negative or positive can affect the way you look at the day, at the week, at the decade. It is up to us to determine and choose which way we want to handle it all. Even when the decision may be the tougher road, it might be necessary.

Even with those thoughts in my head I know that there are some really amazing things coming my way. I can't share them just yet, but there is a strong love that started this event, a stronger love that put the event into motion, and an even stronger love that is following through with it all. Sounds confusing, doesn't it? Well, a friend asked a question, that question prompted a gift, and the love I have for myself is pushing me to accept the gift with grace and enjoy every moment of it. Even the scary parts.

Keeping quiet...

What can I say about this week? There are moments when a frenzied excitement comes over me for an event coming up next week. Then there are other moments when I'm almost terrified about the same thing. Crazy, huh? What I've been doing is staying pretty busy so I don't think about it very much. It helps a little. And I can't tell you guys what it is just yet. And so, I stay off the internet a lot.

This weekend was very nice. I had 3 days off the daycare and enjoyed each of them. Between good movies, good food, time with family, and some honest labor, I had a pretty good time. And now I can say that I have used a Sawzall! Yes, it was pretty weird feeling to do so. Still, that's one more power tool. Granted, I only made 2 cuts with it so I'm not able to say that I am experienced with it, but it was still pretty cool.

Even though this is very brief, I'm going to end it here. I just deleted 3 paragraphs that were more like a rambling than anything else. I do hope you all have a wonderful week!

Rainy Monday

Sometimes I forget that there is something special to focus on. All I can see is the stuff right in front of me and it all looks broken and ready to crumble. I find it hard to remember that there are things of beauty and Life just beyond my immediate surroundings. That the possibilities of tomorrow are just around the corner. I know, the teachings are to live in the moment, but when I do that for too long I lose a little hope in the future.
I will admit that there are times when being a mom is just... challenging.


Brianna is becoming the typical teenager and it is hard to get used to. Some of the words she says are hurtful, and I know she is just trying to find her way. All I can do is keep nudging her in the best direction possible and hope that she finds her footing on her own path of strength and courage.

It's Thursday night I'm still a little stunned at this day. It started out with a painful
moment with Brianna, then became an offer for something special in the late afternoon. I can't really share what that offer is since it's all going to be a surprise. I will only say that I'm very excited and a little terrified. But it's a very good thing.

Monday - I'll admit that this is the first rainy day that I have felt energized instead of sleepy in a very long time. I think I know why that is, too. You see, there have been a few things that have been weighing heavy on my mind. Things that are my responsibility and... well, let's just say they were bringing me down. I spoke about them this weekend and felt so much better afterward. Not only because it was now a shared burden, but because it was pointed out to me that the burden really wasn't that big of a deal and that, no matter what, everything would be okay.

My day, so far, has been filled with uninterrupted reading, preparing yarn, playing with kittens, running on the treadmill, and standing in the rain. This was a much-needed break from the summer and I have enjoyed each moment of it.

Brianna walked home in the rain on her first day as a sophomore. I knew that was what she wanted and I was happy to see the smile on her face when she walked up the sidewalk, soaking wet. There are lots of papers to fill out, of course, and I finished that up before dinner. There is one mix-up with a class (she took it already) and it should eb straightened out soon. We'll see what tomorrow holds.

May you all have a beautiful week.

Quiet...

Sometimes the week passes without a grand occurrence. No hugely special event to mark its passing. This past week was a series of small events which, by themselves mean very little. And even when they are added up, their meaning is pretty insignificant.

Except that they are parts of my life. Parts that will be a memory in the years to come. Things to look back on and smile. Or frown. Or become contemplative about.

We started the mandatory school shopping last week. I have only complaints about the required clothing, so I won't go into detail. Brianna still needs shoes and we will be getting those this weekend. At this point we still have no idea what classes she will be in. I've called the school and they don't know. School starts on Monday. Yes, I have more to say about that, but I'll vent elsewhere.

I found a wondrous thing at the thrift store the other day! Books, in excellent shape, and on my "to buy" list. The ones that make me smile most? The Sevenwaters Trilogy by Juliet Marillier. I know there are now more books in that series, but the first three are the ones I fell in love with.

A repair to the Jeep was completed. While we were working on the lighting and the door Kevin noticed that he could see daylight through a crack on the floor where the driver seat was bolted in. After a more thorough examination it was pretty clear that both front seats were not really secure anymore. Luckily there is a welder in the family (Kevin's nephew) and that was fixed this past weekend. The relief I feel because of that is a lot stronger than I thought, but... well, after discovering the cracks I had a few bad dreams about seeing my passenger go through the front window.

There are other small things... repairs to some of the yarn equipment, banging my head on the Jeep, a haircut, a cool microscope from a yard sale, movies on the weekend, the arrival of my awesome mug, cooler weather, the passing of a life, the gathering of thoughts, journaling, knitting, ... so much Life when you think about it one way, so little if you think about it a different way. I choose the former. After all, even the quiet moments make up the tapestry of my life and they should be cherished, too.

Namasté.

Repairs & Recharging

This has been one of the more stressful weeks of this year as well as one of the most rewarding. Nothing big happened to cause the stress, just a pile of little things each day that only added to the stress of the day before. At one point I broke down and cried in anger and frustration simply because I had reached the end of the rope and there were more little stresses being added. Why did I not release some of the stresses before it got to that point? Pride? Perhaps. But I'll tell you this; I handled it on my own. Maybe not with as much grace as I would have liked, but still, I handled it.

But the good stuff? Ah, the good stuff was very good.

Earlier this week I attended the first live/online class I've been able to attend. All the others were on a night when it was really too late in the evening, but this time, I was okay staying up just a little late. It was so cool to be able to ask questions when they came to mind and hear from the other students as well. This class was about the code of ethics and how we should handle clients and lots of other stuff. Very helpful, to say the least. (For those wondering; I haven't missed any of the classes before this, I've been downloading the recorded versions.)

I had started to lose faith that I'd be able to run 5k by my birthday. The times that I could actually run were so limited and I just couldn't see a way to get any good training in. I posted about it, and felt bad about doing so. But then... April kind of nudged me in a different direction and told me what to do. And I followed her instructions. Then I reached 900 miles on my trip across Middle Earth! How awesome is that‽ I didn't even hurt that much the following day. Yes, I was very sore, but I didn't feel like I was going to cry every time I walked down the hallway. Now I'm pretty certain I can reach my goal after all.

This weekend was an odd mix of emotions. Brianna & I ran our errands early-ish on Saturday and it felt good to get some of the things we really needed. The budget is still very tight, but there was more breathing room this time. After a wonderful dinner with two of my loved ones, I spent a relaxed evening watching Angels & Demons (I'd never seen it before) and sipping coffee laced with Harlequin Orange Liqueur. 

Then the work started. Sunday morning was pretty relaxed but that ended soon after breakfast. It was time to work on the Jeep. My door has been locked into the closed position for a long time now. I've grown quite agile in getting into the driver seat from the passenger side. Also needing fixed was a lighting issue. After getting the door taken apart (Jeeps are awesome in their simplicity), we still couldn't figure out why it wouldn't release. So, the other door was also taken apart for comparison. Still no luck. I was a little nervous that I'd have to replace the whole mechanism or something in order to have a working door. Here is what it looks like -

After a bit of time I thought of something to try and it worked! I figured it out! And now my door is in working order and will even lock.

The lighting issue was a little more involved. Kevin had me go through a series of actions while he took lots of notes. Engine off, headlights on, left turn signal on; engine off, headlights on, right turn signal on; apply brakes, release brakes... the list goes on. This didn't seem like it was going to be an easy fix to me and I was a bit nervous on the extent of work that might be involved. After all, this is a '93 so it's not even remotely new. Wires get brittle with time, there could be a short somewhere, there could be a broken wire... I know it's no fun tracing wires in a vehicle.After some time of more thinking, we tried an idea and that worked, too! After nearly 5 hours of work and less than $3, the Jeep is now in better shape. 

Oh! Now the center console is attached, too! No more slipping to the back.

Today I'm more sore than I was on Saturday after the running. I think it's because I wouldn't let Kevin help me lift the door off the body. I know I probably should have, but I am the kind of woman who feels pretty damn proud of being able to handle things like that without help. The pain today is just an indicator that I should strengthen my body a bit more.

On that note I will leave you all with a blessings:

May you all have the strength and courage to face your trials with grace and dignity. May you all know the feeling of pride in your accomplishments.

Namasté.

Fiery weekend

This weekend was full of firsts for me. I hadn't started out with that intention, but it happened that way on its own.

One stemmed from a joke about not eating something you don't know. Well, I had to look it up to see what it was and I was surprised and thrilled to discover that I just might enjoy Crepes Suzette. Kevin bravely let me use his kitchen (I say bravely because I've caught several things on fire by accident) for this dessert and even handed me the lighter. I will admit that I didn't get it to light the first time. I was pretty disappointed, but we heated up a little more of the liqueur and tried again. That time I was the camera person. When the flames caught I was startled (yes, I know I shouldn't have been) so the picture is a little off.

It was yummy! And, as we were tasting and savoring this wonderful bit of sweetness, ideas began flowing for altering the recipe. Pineapple juice, peach brandy, lady fingers... ah, the cooking muse awoke. When I get the flames right I just might throw a party or something.

There was a really cool storm that rolled through and I got my first shot of lightning!I was standing inside the doorway with the camera ready and waiting. Every time before I was too slow or too fast and caught just the bright sky, missing the actual bolts. This time I got it! I'm pretty thrilled by this and am looking forward to trying it again. Come on, weather, send me another storm!

I know, I know, there are a lot of pictures of lightning out there in the internet and other places, but I have been trying for a long time. Lately I've been playing with various settings on my camera as well and I'm looking forward to getting better at taking pictures. Next on my list is to try long exposure. This little camera has it and I'm hoping to have an evening of sitting outdoors, and playing around with it. Luckily, the summer won't last much longer and I can try this without getting eaten alive by mosquitoes and such.

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When I go places special I collect a rock. Not always since I don't find one that is just right all the time. But I have two rocks that are special since they remind me of a great time. One was from a camping trip with my kids. We went to a place called Blue Rock in Ohio and we had a wonderfully relaxing and fun weekend. There was a rock at our site that was perfect for holding stuff and it called to me. It's been sitting here with me for a few years and I finally decided that it was time.

 

Tada! Now I have a candle holder. After finishing the one abaove I set to work on the rock that means even more to me. That one had a lot more quartz in it (both were sandstone) and was a lot more challenging to get through, and at one point I needed a little help.

The second rock reminds me of a special beginning. When the sun was warm and the future was full of sunshine and possibilities. It reminds me that, even in the times of rain and darkness, endurance and faith will get you through to the sunshine again. I'm not going to write much more about that one other than to say that it was placed on my altar and I smile every time I see it.

This weekend had me thinking of various times in my life. When a friendship was still new, when I still believed in fairy tale endings, when I was oblivious to the hurts that come with living, when my mom was still alive, when my children were still little, when... so many things. With those thoughts it occurred to me that I still have so much to do and so many dreams to reach for. I hope I always remember to live with the vitality and vivaciousness I felt this weekend.

Namasté.