Dragons

Last Monday began the year of the dragon. Interestingly enough, it's also supposed to be a water dragon this year. What does that mean? From what I have read (which isn't very much) it means a year of clearer perspective. A year to be gentle with your Self. And know when to let go of things.

This week, I've been practicing that. Not always successfully, but I've been trying.

There are things in my life that cause me a great deal of stress. Having to deal with the new state rules about the daycare, going without a paycheck for a long while (not as long as someone unemployed, of course, but a long time, regardless), dealing with people who bring me only stress... the list goes on. I am choosing to let so much of that go. The daycare I still need, but I am focusing on the Alina Shea Creations so I can let the daycare go. The paycheck finally arrived and it seems the new system is starting to run smoothly. The people are not going to be an active part of my life, and I will not allow their energy to cause me irritation anymore. The other things? Small.

Instead, I am going to remember how much joy there is in my life. I have good friends, I have amazing best friends, I have my children, Kevin, my good health, my creativity, my connection with Spirit. I have Life and Love. I have beauty and strength. I have a lot. That is my focus now.

I will not be posting the weekly "update each day" today, simply because I have spent more time this week journaling, meditating, and getting stronger. I am not going to allow my fears to get the better of me. I am reaching out to the ones I know can help me find my strength.

I will share an accomplishment this week, though. I made it to Rivendell on Friday. Yes, I biked 459 miles in the last 2 months. At that rate I will reach the end of my journey in 26 months. What a glorious way to spend 2  years!

Shake my petals free...

Monday: I woke around 4 this morning feeling like it was time to wake up. So, I stayed up and had breakfast, then rode the bike for an hour. I feel pretty good that I was able to get it done before the daycare kids got here. This week my goals are to ride for an hour a day, five days. I am feeling pretty confident that I will get it done.

Tuesday: This was another struggle day, but I got on the bike anyway and am happy I did. Afterward I got started on the club yarn. This color is... not anything like I normally do. It's soft and romantic and sweet. Yes, I can hear some of you out there groaning and wondering what is going on. Well, nothing, really. I just wanted something like this to share with the world. Where is the romance any more? Where are the little notes that let someone know that you are thinking about them? Or the simple bouquet of flowers (not necessarily roses, but something to brighten their day)? Or a call out of the blue, just to let your sweetheart know that you are thinking about them? Romance, people. It means a lot.

Am I fishing for flowers & notes? No, I know that my sweetheart loves me. He shows me in so many ways that some people might not recognize, but I do. But there are billions of people on this planet. How many of them can say that they feel loved? Show it.

Anyway, the club yarns are beautiful and I'm looking forward to knitting up something really special with them. And the gifts this month? Oh, so awesome! They were made by one of the club members and they are going to be great for keeping us warm.

Wednesday: Well, the daycare stuff is finally figured out and I should start getting paid again. Luckily, most of the bills & such were already taken care of so we have been holding up quite well. I still am looking forward to the future and I know that someday I will look back on this time and just kind of shake my head and smile, knowing that I made it through.

I've been knitting several items over the last couple weeks. Two pairs of socks, a tool case, and my sweater. I am loving all of these projects simply because of what they represent. The socks are for Kevin, both pairs, and I am very determined to get them finished before the end of the month. The tool case was asked for to protect an expensive meter. The sweater is my goal of size. Yes, I'm a little nervous about knitting something so much smaller than what I am right now, but I know that I will fit into it. I know it will look great on me. And so, I am happy with these projects.

Thursday: I set a new record on the bike today! 18.25 miles and I feel pretty good about it.

There is some snow moving in tonight, but even more tomorrow night. I know there will be complaints about it, but really, it is winter, so what is there to complain about? Now, if you lived in the tropics and were expecting 4-6" of snow, sure, complain all you want. Anyway, I'm kind of looking forward to the snow.

Friday: I woke this morning with a smile. It faded a little when I realized the check I'd been expecting didn't arrive, but I still felt great waking up.

Saturday: Crisp, bright snow all around. And I have only the post office to go to, then out to relax for the weekend.

Sunday: I'm tired today. Brianna has been sick most of the day. In the meantime, Kevin tried to fix the shifter on the Jeep with no luck. So, off to Hiser's it will go tomorrow. Still, for the most part, this day has been pretty good, even with the crazy emotions.

There are some things that I'm more sure of now than I ever was before. Since they are private things, I won't be listing them here, but with this kind of surety for my future, I know that I can step forward with a clear heart, knowing that I've done well and will continue doing my best. And, most important, I will be true to my Self and to my heart. I will continue growing and learning. And I will only allow the things/people in my life that I know I can believe with my heart. Not just their words, but what lies beneath those words.

Trying to smile more

Yes, it's been another one of those kinds of weeks. I haven't spent that much time on Ravelry, Facebook or any other areas online. It's not that I don't want to talk with my friends, I just don't want to subject them to some dreariness.

I've been struggling with some feelings of frustration and anger. I know I need to let them go, it's just not as easy as turning off a switch.

There are minor annoyances going on... the ceiling in the hallway is in need of repair (J took it down this weekend and might be able to repair it next weekend), the Jeep's battery cables are corroded (Kevin replaced one and cleaned the heck out of the other, which will have to do until we can get the right part for it), and there are a couple others that won't be posted publicly.

There are really good things, too: I've increased my biking time to an hour a day, the friendship that is tiny and new is still growing, knitting has been good, I had loads of fun dyeing the PS... yarn this month and am looking forward to dyeing the club yarn, I've got my papers lined up for the business stuff, and I've been journaling a lot more.

Next week will be a better update, simply because I'm going to push myself out of this feeling and stop letting the season get to me.

Empty?

Yes, I skipped last week. There are times when I truly do not feel like writing anything at all. Actually, I feel like writing, but none of it is very positive, so it's better not shared. After all, why drag everyone else down when I feel anger or frustration, right?

This past week I haven't been writing daily simply for the same reasons. Have I done things that made me feel good? Of course. They just didn't fuel me enough to get out of this funk. I know it will pass, but until then, it's probably best that I don't put too much out there into the world.

Good things:

I met someone online. It's kind of funny since it started with a suggestion for shipping products and has been blooming a little through emails. There is a wonderful connection there that I think could grow into a wonderful friendship. She lives too far away to pop in for coffee or anything like that, but I look forward to the day we might get to meet face to face.

I've been continuing my biking and, even though the scale doesn't show much, I can feel the differences in how my clothes fit and how I move through the house. We'll see what other changes happen.

A New Year

Tuesday: This morning was a good bike ride. I was up and sweaty then showered before 6:45. I have to admit that I do like getting up really early to get this out of the way. Having the daycare kids here all day was a little bit of a drag, but mostly because I have so many ideas for the shop and I want to work on them.

Kevin & I figured out what we're doing for New Year's Eve and, while it's not what I'd originally thought of, I think it will be lovely.

Wednesday: The burner went out on the stove the other day and I finally go around to looking up prices. I had no idea a simple 8" burner coil cost that much! Luckily, this one is the same size as the burner toward the back of the stove, so I'm still in business. It's now on the list of things to fix.

Great news! I've been sorted back into Gryffindor for the House Cup. I really love this group of people. The tolerance, the fun, the caring, and the friendships... I can't think of anything else like it. Now it's time to figure out which projects I'll be focusing on for this term and keep them open enough to fit the assignments.

Thursday: Wow. A very unusual occurrence with a hawk and my window just now. I'm not going to go into a lot of detail, but the hawk seemed fine (he flew away) and I was only a little shaken from being startled so much. And now I can't help but to think...

I have so many other thoughts going through my head, too, but they will not be shared. It's enough to say that I'm looking forward to this weekend and the time I get to spend with Kevin & Brianna.

Friday: I rode for an hour this morning! Yes, a whole hour. I went 16.1 miles and felt pretty darn good about it.  I'm thinking this should be incorporated each week. I'd still keep 3 day of 30 minutes, and have 1 day of 60 minutes. It certainly wouldn't hurt.

Kevin & I got the shopping done for the weekend. Homemade enchiladas, chocolate chip cookies, and the last 3 Terminator movies. Brianna hasn't seen them yet so this ought to be fun. She's going to bake the cookies & I'll make the enchiladas. I love the fact that we're going to be spending this together. As silly as this might seem, I think this will be the best New Year's Eve Ive had in a very long time.

Saturday: What a... strange day. I got word from Anthony that he might be home by the middle of February. Or the end. Or later. Basically, he really doesn't have any idea. I'm hoping it's sooner, but I've been hoping that for a while now.

Another odd thing that happened was a blast from the past. I can't help but wish the past would stay there. People just don't get it that I walked away from it all for a reason. I think it was handled well and am hoping it is finished.

In a bit we're heading out to Kevin's. I am really looking forward to this! I know, I know, it's just a night in, but this year it will be spent with 2 of my favorite people. And this year I don't have to convince myself that I'm happy being at home by myself. See? This year is On Fire!

Sunday: Home from a wonderful weekend! Good food, loads of smiles, laughter, great people, I couldn't ask for much more than that.

We drove home in nearly-blizzard conditions for part of the drive, but it cleared up before we got to town. It didn't take long after we'd gotten inside before the storm reached us again. I'm really glad we weren't on the streets any longer than what we were.

Brianna has school tomorrow, which I disagree with, but I'm not the one to make the rules. I offered to let her stay home, but she spoke about missing something important in the classes and I'm certainly not going to argue with that.

I spent some quiet time this morning with some card readings, making notes for the business, and enjoying the feel of a house full of loved ones. Yes, yes, it was only two people, but it was still a blessed feeling. One that just can't be replaced with anything else. I think it was a wonderful way to start the year.

Monday: I am starting my Magick Number sweater! I know it's going to be beautiful. I know I will get all the cables figured out. I know it will fit me beautifully when it's finished.

I didn't get on the bike this morning, but that's okay. I spent some time this morning with yoga, hula-hooping, assisted chin-ups and gentle stretches. Tomorrow will be for the bike.

I'm also researching what ll is needed for some of my business ideas. There are so many ideas going through my head and I just need to get them settled and figured out. I cna do this.