tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-64341465813848312582024-02-20T22:53:19.379-05:00Life on Fire After 40ShaylaMhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10226330407633351473noreply@blogger.comBlogger65125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6434146581384831258.post-50263680168046631102014-02-07T09:09:00.000-05:002014-02-07T09:09:04.096-05:00A tiny flame...<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/alinashea/8088427699/" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;" title="Day fourteen (OPC) by shaylamyst, on Flickr"><img alt="Day fourteen (OPC)" src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8050/8088427699_4ffab73ed4.jpg" height="300" width="400" /></a> The last couple of weeks have been an adjustment for me. Old habits are beginning to fade away and I can feel my thought patterns shifting with each day. My sleeping habits are changing as well and most mornings I wake feeling much more refreshed than I used to. As I continue moving forward I can feel my own strength growing in increments, that tiny flame is still only a pinpoint in the darkness, but it is just a bit brighter each day.<br />
<br />
Imagine, if you will, trying to start a fire in a cave with only a spark, just a tiny ember. Your life depends on this fire. You don't blow on it, instead you only whisper a bit of air over it. You feed it blades of withered grass until it's strong enough to have a few pine needles. The flame that finally arises is smaller than the ones on your birthday candles, and so fragile. You know that if you dump a bunch of leaves onto it you'll smother the last of the warmth and it will die. And so you're carefully tending it, putting all of your heart into it. Soon you're able to add bits of wood as thin as a pencil, then as big around as your thumb. With each addition you are careful to add only what your small fire can handle. You don't feel relief just yet, but you feel a strong hope that the fire will live, even though a gust of wind could extinguish it completely. Your focus is solely on the flames in front of you because you know that your survival depends on it. After a while you can add branches as thick as your wrist and you know that you can bring the larger ones closer so that they begin to heat up without being right in the fire. It takes patience and time but, once you're able to add the thick branches, you know that the heavy logs around the perimeter will soon be burning and you will have a fire that will not only keep you alive, but will be strong enough to keep your cave warm enough to thrive. You'll still need to tend it each day but you know that you can count on it being there.<br />
<br />
This is a little bit about how I feel right now. My tiny spark is growing and is now strong enough for the pine needles. As long as I stay focused on it (my Spiritual health), I know that I'll have a bonfire before long and I'll be able to dance around it in celebration of my Life.<br />
<br />
In the meantime, I've created new routines and am learning new habits. The kind of habits that will keep me alive through all that I have planned for my life.<br />
<br />
May you all have that flame in your hearts and may it be strong and sure.ShaylaMhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10226330407633351473noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6434146581384831258.post-87151009143398733822013-12-23T18:42:00.000-05:002013-12-23T18:42:16.430-05:00Still Catching Up...Day twenty: Darkness<br />
<br />
There are different kinds of darkness and each affects us differently. On a summer night the darkness can bring a sense of peace to our minds, a softness to the edges of life. In the middle of winter the darkness can invigorate our sense with the sharpness and clarity reflected in the stars above.<br />
<br />
When there is a darkness in our souls, though, it can hurt. Sometimes it can feel overwhelming and crushing. Some people are unable to see what little bit of light and hope is in their lives.<br />
<br />
My sincere wish for you all is that any darkness you experience... I hope that you find solace and peace and Light.<br />
<br />
<br />ShaylaMhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10226330407633351473noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6434146581384831258.post-33757245835493800622013-12-22T21:37:00.000-05:002013-12-22T21:37:09.926-05:00A week of thoughts...This has been a fairly hectic and sometimes strained week. Writing has not been in the list of vital things to do, but that has brought a sense of incompleteness to my days. I've been so busy with a variety of other things that even my journal has been set aside. I'm hoping to get caught up and to stay focused.<br />
<br />
Day seventeen: Mystery<br />
<br />
I look around me at the changing season and can feel the desire rising to be more creative. I want to find something to express the ideas and passions in my soul. The twists and turns, the splashes of color, the beauty. Knitting has been my canvas for several years. Before that it was beadwork, and before that it was counted cross-stitch.<br />
<br />
Why, when the natural rhythm of the planet is urging us to slow down and to rest, do I want to decorate the world with the visions in my head?<br />
<br />
Day eighteen: Sorrow<br />
<br />
I started this as a personal journey to look within and see what is there, guided by the prompts of a friend's own journey. When I saw this prompt I had to stop for a moment. I don't have a deep sorrow this year. Yes, I miss some of my loved ones and I do worry about some of them, but I've not lost anyone dear to me this year. My son is no longer in Afghanistan. My family is mostly intact and safe. Yet... I do feel the tears rise for others. For the children who won't get to see a parent this season, for the parents who are missing their children, and for those who lost a loved one and are looking at the festivities with a heavy heart. I do wish I could hug them all and tell them that, though I can't know how they feel, my heart is going out to them.<br />
<br />
Day nineteen: Suffering<br />
<br />
Do most of us even know what suffering is? I have been so blessed in my own life that I am certain I can't fathom the depth of suffering others feel. Even so, when I see someone with pain in their eyes it breaks my heart a bit. When I hear about a parent losing a child, the tears flow freely. But that does nothing to ease the world's pain.<br />
<br />
I've written and rewritten a few paragraphs for this day, yet none of them truly convey what I'm feeling. I can't really find the words. What I wished to do was to share something that would lighten someone's day. To ease the suffering they might be feeling. I feel inadequate.<br />
<br />
-<br />
<br />
I know that I still have a few days to catch up on, but they will have to come later. <br />
<br />
<br />ShaylaMhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10226330407633351473noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6434146581384831258.post-9068310369946405732013-12-16T18:27:00.000-05:002013-12-16T18:27:04.341-05:00Catching up<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/e/ee/Wheel_of_the_Year.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/e/ee/Wheel_of_the_Year.JPG" width="271" /></a></div>
Day fourteen: Star<br />
<br />
<i>The stars, the stars. Oh, how bright they'll shine, on that home that we build in the meadow.</i><br />
<br />
Since I was a very young child I have been fascinated by the stars. I can remember traveling somewhere late in the night and looking up into the sky at the stars and wondering why they seemed to stay with us. I have no idea where we were going or coming from, only that I usually fell asleep with the stars in my dreams. Even when I was a little older (around 12 or so) my bed was positioned in such a way that I could look up as I drifted off.<br />
<br />
I don't know that many constellations or even which stars are in the hemisphere, but I've always been able to pick out the <a href="http://www.theskyscrapers.org/september-constellations-and-folklore" target="_blank">Three Braves and the Bear</a>, the <a href="http://www.constellation-guide.com/constellation-list/orion-constellation/" target="_blank">Hunter</a>, the <a href="http://www.constellation-guide.com/constellation-list/draco-constellation/" target="_blank">Dragon</a>. Occasionally I can find others, but it's not the imaginings of others that interest me the most, it's the wonder of the stars themselves. The distance, their size, and their beauty.<br />
<br />
Day fifteen: Nature<br />
<br />
Nature has always held a very important role in my life. From watching a mama "horny toad" with her babies in a Texas back yard to seeing the graceful swoop of a bald eagle in flight on the Huron River, I've always been able to feel a sense of wonder at the wildlife around me. Perhaps that is part of why I wanted to live in the mountains so much... there were more animals than people.<br />
<br />
I could go one about this subject, but I think it would be a whole post an I do need to shower and get ready to sleep.<br />
<br />
Day sixteen: Cycle<br />
<br />
Each time the days shorten to nearly nothing I've felt a pull to slow down and really take a look at my life. At the same time I feel a great <i>need </i>to create something new and wonderful. In the years past I've used that fire to design a couple of sweaters. They both were fabulous in their own ways and I love them. Last year I was hit with another design, but haven't yet put it to paper. But it's there, building and waiting.<br />
<br />
Around the Solstice I usually take time to be alone. I'm not sure how that will happen this year, but I will do what I can to make it so. Generally, I sit in silence and think about the longest night and how the Earth is shifting and tilting to give us the cycle of seasons. I think about the position of the planets around us and the cycle of the sun. I think about the animals sleeping soundly and the birds flitting from tree to tree. I think about Life and Death and how it all spirals around us, each day.ShaylaMhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10226330407633351473noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6434146581384831258.post-19265547355729403532013-12-14T17:18:00.001-05:002013-12-15T10:01:07.146-05:00Day thirteen: Gift<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6ITcTBabzw8LfiogjaEEjA05bU9v5mJowl2acB5PmWXslWiafT5uVVZrsNPj6AdhG_Crk-OnvOse8CyhDXX01PgFQZGYMD4QjQWhJbN3ITU9tUCbds4TuQpNlM8FT2joZAeaQC7tns-o/s1600/hobbit.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6ITcTBabzw8LfiogjaEEjA05bU9v5mJowl2acB5PmWXslWiafT5uVVZrsNPj6AdhG_Crk-OnvOse8CyhDXX01PgFQZGYMD4QjQWhJbN3ITU9tUCbds4TuQpNlM8FT2joZAeaQC7tns-o/s320/hobbit.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">It's a dangerous business, going out your door.<br />
You step onto the road, and if you don't keep your feet,<br />
there's no telling where you might be swept off to.</td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr>
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I think about the gifts I have received over the years and realize that, even though others might not see how precious they are, these gifts are truly jewels. And... they aren't what you might think.<br />
<br />
A car accident that "should have" killed me and my daughter. A gunshot in my back yard. Struggling with the bills for so long. Even my recent bout with pneumonia. Each and every one of these caused me to stop at that point in my life and reevaluate what was going on. Was I really taking good care of myself? Was I truly doing what was best in my life? What did I need to focus on?<br />
<br />
I'm not saying that I want to receive these gifts frequently, but when they do come along, I hope that I always have the clarity of mind to see them as a way to stop and gather my strength and make better choices. The most important way for me to live is to be true to myself. I know that others will not agree with my choices, but they are mine and no longer will they be to appease another.<br />
<br />
<br />ShaylaMhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10226330407633351473noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6434146581384831258.post-78836446286517504392013-12-12T07:52:00.000-05:002013-12-12T07:52:14.544-05:00Day twelve: Ornament<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4ZTddNXnetaNSQBpTaDcBsptm2vZlgFzOyRIwC5qcemR5qkkm0k_eHe473_n7C07vXgJCdJzEkeaU9B2Q8W8sMI4ioZkJYQj4DOLGbBT3XA87PVVVLICAkrLH4AtEaev6Nll5E6DBG7E/s1600/IMG_2750.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4ZTddNXnetaNSQBpTaDcBsptm2vZlgFzOyRIwC5qcemR5qkkm0k_eHe473_n7C07vXgJCdJzEkeaU9B2Q8W8sMI4ioZkJYQj4DOLGbBT3XA87PVVVLICAkrLH4AtEaev6Nll5E6DBG7E/s320/IMG_2750.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Warm and Cozy</td></tr>
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When I think about the ornaments I've had over the years I can't help but smile. There have been the cute homemade ones that the kids would bring home from school, their faces beaming with delight with the knowledge that they did something cool. There were special ones that we'd pick out each year, one new ornament for each of us. Even the simple glass balls that added a little glamour to our wee trees.<br />
<br />
But my favorite one of all is this one. There is a hole in the back where a light plugs in (the regular strand kind of bulb) and creates a soft glow in the "room". I have had this since before Anthony was born, but I'm not sure exactly how far back. I do recall that I bought it from my Avon lady. This one is my favorite simply because it embodies all that I think of when I think of a warm and peaceful evening. The fireplace is glowing with the flames, the cat is curled up and sleeping, books on the mantle are waiting to be read, and the tree is quietly reminding us that Nature is a huge part of this season.<br />
<br />
It's funny, the emotional attachment we place on things. I know that this is a silly bit of plastic, and I'm not even reminiscent of the time that it was purchased. Instead, it's the feeling of hope and wonder that it reminds me of.<br />
<br />
May you all have a wonder-filled day.ShaylaMhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10226330407633351473noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6434146581384831258.post-51283877332038081032013-12-12T07:28:00.000-05:002013-12-12T07:28:09.630-05:00Day eleven: WreathI realized that I've never actually had a wreath. I thought about it and can't recall ever a time when we had one in the house, on the door, or even on the car. If I got one, though... no, I'd make one. With lots of dried herbs and spices so that it would be fragrant and pretty all at the same time. Maybe I'll have to do that soon. With crystals, too.<br />
<br />
Wreaths are supposed to represent eternity and strength and they have an amazingly long history. I won't go into the details this morning, but you could check out the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wreath" target="_blank">Wikipedia page</a> about them.ShaylaMhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10226330407633351473noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6434146581384831258.post-44635191762143168992013-12-11T08:25:00.001-05:002013-12-11T08:25:47.372-05:00Day ten: Lights<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPg1cUVzneUuiuWfGLxuDLshY4etmVCd0DkXBmDmFq6qnnsjQgvRDb793p5Svc7LdHKWT01vCvezXceMChxYNPorCgfLyrZilpeb0RdBwmUQUW1zFCXXZNImwyeGzlQX-MvogEdSWjOOo/s1600/IMG_2749.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPg1cUVzneUuiuWfGLxuDLshY4etmVCd0DkXBmDmFq6qnnsjQgvRDb793p5Svc7LdHKWT01vCvezXceMChxYNPorCgfLyrZilpeb0RdBwmUQUW1zFCXXZNImwyeGzlQX-MvogEdSWjOOo/s320/IMG_2749.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">December 10, 2013</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
A day late... I did have a plan to post yesterday, but then shut off the computer without thinking.<br />
<br />
I've always loved the magic and beauty of holiday lights. I've even had the white ones strung up around my house throughout the year (it's been a long time... I might have to do it again soon). I can recall laying on the floor of my Phoenix apartment with my kids just watching the tree twinkle to the music (I had a cool box that we'd plug the lights into).<br />
<br />
Through the years I had lost the desire to put up a tree and decorations. I guess you could say that I was becoming a bit of a Scrooge. But that started to change a few years ago when Brianna told me that she really wanted a tree. It was then that I started to feel more "in the spirit" of the holidays. Instead of grumbling about the Christmas music in the stores I'd start to hum along (or sing if I knew the words). I'd even look at the new ornaments that were out for the year with delight instead of dread.<br />
<br />
This year, Brianna and I decorated the house instead of a tree. This way, each room has something in it to bring a smile to our day. We hung the lights in our bedrooms since that is where we are most of the time and I can't help but smile when I walk into one of the rooms and see the bright colors.ShaylaMhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10226330407633351473noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6434146581384831258.post-53495435396230782942013-12-09T20:15:00.000-05:002013-12-11T08:09:42.080-05:00Day nine: Bells<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://fbcdn-sphotos-d-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash3/1148829_577483145630741_878883174_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://fbcdn-sphotos-d-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash3/1148829_577483145630741_878883174_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">August 23, 2013 - <br />
Oddly enough, this is the only picture I can find of my <br />
chimes and you can barely see them on the right.</td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
I think of all the bells that have had a significance in my life and realized that most of them are the soft laughter of the wind chimes in my gardens and yards. As far back as I can remember there have been chimes singing out in the night as I drifted off to sleep. During the soft breezes I'd hear a gentle ting of the metal hitting against the wooden striker. When the storms would, hit the clang of the pipes would ring out in alarm at the sudden gusts. Then they would quiet again as the thunder faded.<br />
<br />
There was a small set that I'd hung in the front bushes in Sandusky. The neighborhood cats would walk near them, occasionally rubbing against them before they'd lay down for a cool nap in the shade. There were larger sets hung near the gates to the back yard that would warn me of any uninvited visitors. And there is a large set of pipes currently in a box awaiting new string for repairing. I even have a tiny chime that was once a pair of earrings and I'd smile as I walked because I felt like I was carrying the magic with me.<br />
<br />
I can't imagine a home without the sound of wind chimes. No more than I can envision a home without a cat. It would just feel discordant to me.ShaylaMhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10226330407633351473noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6434146581384831258.post-16191613455840838682013-12-08T19:32:00.001-05:002013-12-08T19:32:40.378-05:00Day eight: Evergreen<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://scontent-b.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-prn2/q71/s720x720/1150992_575013622544360_96838017_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://scontent-b.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-prn2/q71/s720x720/1150992_575013622544360_96838017_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">August 18, 2013</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
What does it mean to be evergreen? Yes, I know that during this season's festivities there are a lot of evergreen trees and wreaths and other decorations, but what do they symbolize?<br />
<br />
Interestingly enough, each evergreen tree or shrub has a different "meaning". For example, cedar represents healing, pines are for eternal life, spruce for hope, and juniper is for protection. There are, of course, more detailed descriptions of all of these, but I'm not going to add them all tonight.<br />
<br />
I decided to take this idea and internalize it a bit. To be evergreen would mean to remain flexible and able to bend when the winds are blowing you around. To be able to let the winter come, bearing the weight of the snowy burden without breaking. And to stay strong enough to stand up straight again when the storm has passed.<br />
<br />
Can I be evergreen? Can I get through the turbulence and the burden and still stand up straight when the spring comes again? Most of me says yes. even though there is a small part that wonders if some part of me will break under the weight of the snow (worries). But <b>most </b>of me is sure that I won't break. No part of me. I will stay strong and flexible and able to stand tall after all is said and done.ShaylaMhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10226330407633351473noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6434146581384831258.post-28931474356915084722013-12-08T10:50:00.000-05:002013-12-08T10:50:28.345-05:00Day Seven: Hope<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEguGyYSEM_h031rbO9ufzpFrqFw1UC4L7in4nqCu8x7D5NfMf0-RPLUSxj4DNUX9Yheyz-ll1vIVMFD5r9-uXwEqvkTy41Lxqb5oIoZOFJi_Ro1bmhP3_RS2sSg8To2TARiYyXwKUNp8l0/s1600/MVC-179F.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEguGyYSEM_h031rbO9ufzpFrqFw1UC4L7in4nqCu8x7D5NfMf0-RPLUSxj4DNUX9Yheyz-ll1vIVMFD5r9-uXwEqvkTy41Lxqb5oIoZOFJi_Ro1bmhP3_RS2sSg8To2TARiYyXwKUNp8l0/s320/MVC-179F.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">February 26, 2002</td></tr>
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I think back at some of the hopes I've had over the years. For the world, for my children, for myself. In the dark hours of the night, so many of those faded hopes are visibly broken and battered. So many are empty in that glaring reality of the wee smas.<br />
<br />
But that changes, too. There are mornings when I rise and I think that the hopes are stronger than ever. When it seems that the clearer reality is actually while the sun is rising and the world is filled with possibility.<br />
<br />
My hopes right now are simple. Good health for my loved ones and myself, a brighter future for the generations to come, and a deep inner peace for everyone. ShaylaMhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10226330407633351473noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6434146581384831258.post-33672669258904157372013-12-06T21:14:00.000-05:002013-12-08T10:37:46.577-05:00Day six: Stand Still...<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4-qan9ddJkoL0iixoOcygQaeKioPrGgNP5KMsLsoTMYj-AIbpIMF1T5YJUZiGf46XfGxB9SXZWxZ7_r4BwuQRvNVnw_-lldbD8aP7XjFtPMPabJowsvHGbwMCrFMDCCYgV02Ai6ko1Q4/s1600/0122081038a.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4-qan9ddJkoL0iixoOcygQaeKioPrGgNP5KMsLsoTMYj-AIbpIMF1T5YJUZiGf46XfGxB9SXZWxZ7_r4BwuQRvNVnw_-lldbD8aP7XjFtPMPabJowsvHGbwMCrFMDCCYgV02Ai6ko1Q4/s320/0122081038a.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">January 22, 2008ce</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
I read this morning's prompt and drew a blank for what to write. But that's part of the daily challenge, isn't it? To expand your thoughts a bit?<br />
<br />
As I went about my day I realized just how far I was from being fully recovered. The tiredness set in pretty early in the day and followed me throughout. But I looked at it as a lesson and not as something to bang my head against. And I reminded myself to be patient.<br />
<br />
<br />
I'm also thinking about my children tonight. How they have grown into the individual beings that they are and how their lives might be one day. This morning I spoke with a friend and shared the joy and pride I feel for them both. This evening I did the same with another friend. Perhaps it is the passing of time that is causing my thoughts to center on my kids. Perhaps it's the wish that it wasn't passing so swiftly while wishing it would pass a little faster.<br />
<br />
Today, I'm going to remember that it's best to just stand still and enjoy each moment as they come. In that silence I will also remember that the moments I have to myself are going to be where I let go of their child-ness as they step into the world of adulthood.ShaylaMhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10226330407633351473noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6434146581384831258.post-84728376066781999352013-12-05T08:37:00.001-05:002013-12-05T11:39:54.288-05:00Post a day?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTaksHao5p4W0P02m02aIjYr0ozWzPwy4fMXJHWlf_eOxdLWDBrGsW5vKI65c-4fOjnmm8F-QNc_DCagF7e6HpvfEm_pZnsWlEQPXaEupg6qIFEXS4iFTu6K0iA1Nlb_JPkUmApaNmXqo/s1600/IMG_2725.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTaksHao5p4W0P02m02aIjYr0ozWzPwy4fMXJHWlf_eOxdLWDBrGsW5vKI65c-4fOjnmm8F-QNc_DCagF7e6HpvfEm_pZnsWlEQPXaEupg6qIFEXS4iFTu6K0iA1Nlb_JPkUmApaNmXqo/s320/IMG_2725.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
I'm currently taking part in a crafty picture-a-day bit of fun and am enjoying it so far. I know that a part of my challenge is following it through to the end. I've been great at starting these things only to let it dwindle within a couple of weeks. But I'm saying that it's different now. Why? Because I will make it so.<br />
<br />
Another woman (you really should check out <a href="http://belovelive.com/" target="_blank">her blog</a>) put up <a href="http://belovelive.files.wordpress.com/2013/12/photo.jpg" target="_blank">this image</a> a couple of days ago and I was thinking pretty hard about the prompts. But, I couldn't think of anything that would be "right" for the pictures. Only words. And so... I'm going to post each day based on the prompt. I'm going to be using this as a kickstart to getting this blog more current, more vibrant, and more On Fire.<br />
<br />
Since I'm a few days late in getting started, I'll combine the first five days here:<br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>One: Advent</b><br />
<br />
I will admit that I don't have a clear understanding of what Advent is. I didn't attend church when I was young except for the occasional trip with Grammie or something like that. When I was about fourteen I was given the opportunity to visit a variety of churches so that I could find one that I liked. I ended up choosing the Peoria Presbyterian Church because of the way everyone felt like they knew each other, it was small, and the pastor and his family were pretty cool. Even though I attended every Sunday and even had a big part of the VBS, I didn't learn the particulars of each season. The basics, yes, but not the finer details.<br />
<br />
So I looked up what "advent" means.<br />
<br />
<div class="vk_ans" style="margin-bottom: 0;">
ad·vent</div>
<div class="lr_dct_ent_ph">
<span class="lr_dct_ph">ˈadˌvent/</span><span class="lr_dct_spkr lr_dct_spkr_off" data-log-string="pronunciation-icon-click" style="display: inline-block;" title="Listen"></span></div>
<div class="lr_dct_sf_h">
<i>noun</i></div>
<div class="xpdxpnd vk_gy" data-mh="-1">
noun: advent; plural noun: advents</div>
<div style="float: left;">
1. </div>
<div style="display: inline;">
the arrival of a notable person, thing, or event.</div>
2. Advent<br />
<div class="sds-list">
a. The liturgical
period preceding Christmas, beginning in Western churches on the fourth
Sunday before Christmas and in Eastern churches in mid-November, and
observed by many Christians as a season of prayer, fasting, and
penitence.</div>
<br />
I'll be honest, that didn't really help me to <i>understand</i>. But I gave it some thought and broke it down in a way that resonated with me. "The arrival" of something notable. That could mean so many different things to each person. To me, it meant the coming of a time to learn more about my own Self. The same Self that I'd set aside because she didn't fit the role of what I thought was supposed to be. The same Self that was dwindling with each passing year. The same Self that wanted to fly and sing and dance. For many, this is a time of prayer and thoughtfulness. I will be using it for meditation, journaling, and growing.<br />
<br />
<b>Two :Wait</b><br />
<br />
Waiting isn't easy for me. I'm not entirely sure why that is, but it's been that way for a long while now. Currently I am waiting to finish recovering from pneumonia. I've been impatient with the process, angry with my body's slowness and fatigue, and frustrated with my lungs' diminished capacity for deep breathing.<br />
<br />
And yet... I'm learning to look at this as a lesson. To slow down, to listen to my limits, to say no when I am already overreaching and overworking. To take better care of my Self. To rest and to recharge. Sometimes waiting is exactly what is needed.<br />
<br />
<b>Three: Listen</b><br />
<br />
My days used to be filled with music. I'd turn the radio on in the morning (or set up a few cds or a long playlist on the computer) and not turn it off until I went to bed. Sometimes I'd even set up a soothing bit of music to sleep by. That dwindled somewhat over the years and I missed it so very much. I can't place my finger on a time when I actually stopped turning the music on each day, but I know it's been a long time. On Tuesday (the day this prompt was for), I set up Pandora and left it running all day. It was so nice coming home to a beautiful song! It was also nice having the peace of the music flowing through my house all throughout the day.<br />
<br />
<b>Four: Promise</b><br />
<br />
This one was harder to think about. You see, I have a promise inside just for Me. A promise that I cannot share aloud. But it is strong and proud and fierce. I can feel it glowing and growing. For now, I will share this bit... I promise to listen to my intuition and to act on the messages I feel/hear.<br />
<br />
<b>Five: Anticipation</b><br />
<br />
In many ways, I've forgotten what anticipation felt like. I can clearly recall worry, wondering at an outcome, and even waiting for someone to show up at the door. But anticipation? That wonder-filled emotion that makes your breath come quicker, brings a smile to your eyes, and sends a tremor of delight through your bones? No, that's been a distant memory for ages. But... I was able to get Brianna a gift for Yule this year. One that she didn't ask for but I know that she wants it dearly. And it arrived yesterday while she was in school. Currently it is wrapped up and sitting on the altar next to the tree we have set up. and that feeling of anticipation began to bloom. I know that she won't care that I spent only a few dollars for it. I know that she won't care that it's not brand new. I also know that she will cherish it and it will bring that sparkle to her eyes. And I can't wait for her to open it. That is my anticipation right now.ShaylaMhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10226330407633351473noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6434146581384831258.post-30966099116917107562013-11-06T14:11:00.000-05:002013-11-06T14:11:41.843-05:00Still alive?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Yes, apparently, I am. After dealing with a bout of bacterial pneumonia and learning to listen to my body's limitations while healing, I'm now able to take a deeper breath without coughing. Not as deep as I normally do, but so much better than the shallow breathing I've had to do for over a week & a half.<br />
<br />
I've been thinking so much lately! During the hours that I have been awake (yes, I learned that naps are necessary to healing), I have been thinking about this blog (and my others), the story I want to write for my Dad, my journal, and some of my other stories. There are many ideas rumbling in my mind and I feel a need to get them out, onto paper or the computer.<br />
<br />
I won't be starting this blog back up today, but there is a wonderful post in the making and I'll share it with you all as soon as I have focused long enough to get it out here.<br />
<br />
I hope you are all doing well!ShaylaMhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10226330407633351473noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6434146581384831258.post-86352385325629578182013-05-16T08:47:00.000-04:002013-05-16T09:06:08.498-04:00Rising slowly...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiEpmHgoE-jc-8oxo8Enm5uYr-iCKvhRcdLy6BMQUfdf2wiN3qUNf6UPAjr8tFHElK1QsrmTuxCxD29k0C2syiF4X-hF_ofVidldIASXFfQF0wrM0zswu7Skm_IHiyFt5xFkDU52kD6Qns/s1600/IMG_1815.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiEpmHgoE-jc-8oxo8Enm5uYr-iCKvhRcdLy6BMQUfdf2wiN3qUNf6UPAjr8tFHElK1QsrmTuxCxD29k0C2syiF4X-hF_ofVidldIASXFfQF0wrM0zswu7Skm_IHiyFt5xFkDU52kD6Qns/s320/IMG_1815.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
Have you missed me? <br />
<br />
I can't say that the last few months have been fabulous, but neither have they been horrible. I've been struggling with some hurts and decisions and the direction I want my life to be heading. This is never an easy task and one made even more difficult when there are other lives intertwined with mine. I have my children to think about. Granted, one is now an adult and can take care of himself and the other is nearly an adult and will soon be out on her own. But they are still considered with the decisions I make, especially the really big ones. I have others, too, but their part is too vast in this to even attempt the task of narrowing it down to mere words. <br />
<br />
I had withdrawn into my deepest Self at the end of February. The reasons for that are my own and I've only shared them with one person. I may never share them with other people, but that could change over time. As everything can, and always does, change. During this time, I had been thinking about how I let other people affect me. I'd been contemplating prescription medication (yeah, really). I'd been trying to figure out what I should fight for and what I should let go of. In the middle of it all my spark of Light and Hope flickered to nearly nothing and I almost gave up everything. Don't get me wrong, I'd never end my life or anything like that, but there are other ways to give up. One is to give up that brilliance that we all have inside. To give that up means that you just go from day to day following the routine, smiling when it's appropriate, answering the questions people ask you, and never allowing the beauty of the world to really touch your soul. To me, that is a far deeper death than the cessation of bodily life.<br />
<br />
During this time of sheltering my Self, there were only a few moments of emotional connection and they brought on such a rush of chaos or pain that I broke down and cried. Some of those times I didn't merely shed a few tears, I sobbed so fiercely that I thought I'd break in two. And, when the words I spoke were misunderstood or even ignored by those around me, I stepped back into my cave. <br />
<br />
I read the various "words of wisdom" that were splashed in my books, across Facebook, and written in other places and I tried to figure out how they fit into my life. <i>Fight for what you believe in. Let go of the struggle. Live your life to the fullest. Find gratitude in the life you have. Eliminate the toxic people from your life. Forgive those who cause you pain. Hold on. Let go. Smile. Cry. Be at peace. Let the rage wash over you. Don't give up. Accept your fate.</i>Where is the enlightenment in the middle of so many conflicting messages? Which answers really fit the Life I want to give to myself? What choices do I make?<br />
<br />
Part of me realized that there is a need for <b>all </b>of those bits of wisdom. During some parts of my life I will need to forgive the hurts and keep those people around, during others I will need to forgive and walk away without looking back. At some points I will need to smile and let joy shine through, at others I will need to cry and let the rage boil over. All of these are vital to a life lived to the best of my ability. I deserve nothing less than that.<br />
<br />
I knew something had to change so I started working on some things that would help my future be a little more stable. Each day I worked on something that would benefit my life in some way or another. Some days it was making sure I meditated. Many days it was dyeing extra yarns. Once in a while it was letting myself just stare out the window at the birds in the back yard for a little while. Regardless of what it was that I did, I made sure it was done with reverence for the gift of Life that I had been given.<br />
<br />
Yesterday a lot of those things coalesced into a fabulous day of celebrations. The money for my CCW permit, the filing of my business registration, the completion of one of my healer's certifications, the order placed for more shipping labels, the lunch with my son, the requirement met for the new team in <a href="http://www.ravelry.com/discuss/nerd-wars/2567857/1-25" target="_blank">Nerd Wars</a>, and, perhaps most important, the support I felt from my loved ones and my friends.<br />
<br />
Are there still pieces of my life that are in shambles? Yes, of course. But I have come to realize that it's not <i>entirely </i>up to me to rebuild what has been shattered. Some things that have been broken need repairs from other people, too. My job is to live my life with the integrity that I know I am capable of, with the bravery I know I have inside me, and with the dedication to what I believe in that I know I have the capacity for. (Hah! I just realized that the antonyms for those are honor, courage, and commitment... yes, I find that amusing, considering that the first 28 years of my life I thought bad things about the Marine Corps.)<br />
<br />
And now? Now I am taking the time to breathe. And to Shine just a little bit until I feel stable again with all the emotions.ShaylaMhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10226330407633351473noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6434146581384831258.post-52494119134706912582013-02-11T21:01:00.000-05:002013-02-11T21:01:48.303-05:00It's been a while...<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/alinashea/8364538640/" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;" title="Winter Sunset by shaylamyst, on Flickr"><img alt="Winter Sunset" height="375" src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8469/8364538640_ec0f4b3688.jpg" width="500" /></a>There have been many things going on lately, but few of them are anything I wanted to put into words. It just seemed that they would be too real, I think.<br />
<br />
I updated my blood tests a couple weeks ago and all the numbers were much, much better. The only concern was an occasional bit of tachycardia. The doctor recommended an EKG, then an echo-cardiogram. Both turned out to be very normal in just about every way. My doctor was very impressed with the changes in my eating habits, my exercising, my weight loss, and so much more. I think the most important part of it all was the pride I had in myself for the times I dkept going, for when I chose not to give up.<br />
<br />
Winter has been a strange one. Temperatures ranging from the lower 60s one day and lower 20s the next. It's been an interesting challenge to know how to dress when we head out the door. I am happy for it all, though. The coldest days give me the incentive to stay indoors and think about my life while I work. The warmer days draw me outdoors and give me the relief I need from the greyness. On the most dark of days I will light candles and turn up the music. On the sunny days I smile at the crystal-produced rainbows scattered on my walls. Through it all, I hold the hope of Spring's return.<br />
<br />
There is more that I'd like to write, but I waited too long and the night is upon me, telling me that it's time to lay down and dream for a while.ShaylaMhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10226330407633351473noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6434146581384831258.post-36351647131303747092013-01-07T09:56:00.000-05:002013-01-07T10:10:01.570-05:00Surprises, late<b>December 24 - </b> <br />
On the 14th, I got a text from Anthony asking if I was awake. It was 4:21am. No, of course I wasn't, but I sent a text back and asked him what was going on. After a couple texts back & forth about little things, I was starting to get pretty annoyed. It seemed like a series of drunk texts, and I thought it was one of his friends or something. Then he called me and asked me to go outside. I grumbled about it being cold and some other nonsense, while I was trying to figure out why I'd want to walk outside in the wee hours of the morning. I could hear his cat in the background and figured he was at his friend's house. Well, I stepped into the entry, thinking there was something about the moon or something that he wanted to share with me (I still wasn't quite awake). Instead, I saw his smiling face in the outer door window. And the furry face of Athena. He'd been able to get leave, but wanted to surprise me with it. Very cool.<br />
<br />
<b>January 4 - </b><br />
I started this a while ago and never got back to it... Oh well. It's been a fun couple of weeks for the most part. As you gathered from the previous paragraph, Anthony was home for the holidays. Having both of my kids here, truly, was the best gift of all.<br />
<br />
What's going on now? I feel a renewed sense of direction in many areas of my life. Health is at the forefront of things, physical, spiritual, emotional... all of it. I have a list of goals and plans (not resolutions) and I'm looking forward to implementing them. These are all pretty personal and I don't really feel like sharing them right now. Perhaps, with time, I will, but for now they feel too fragile to put here is pixels.<br />
<br />
In the meantime, here is the progress on my orchid. Isn't it fabulous!?<br />
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<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/alinashea/8348426794/" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;" title="Orchid 2013-01-04 by shaylamyst, on Flickr"><img alt="Orchid 2013-01-04" height="387" src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8188/8348426794_bdefcfff03.jpg" width="500" /> </a></div>
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<b>January 5 - </b>Another cousin has been linked on my Facebook page. I can't help but feel a little strange knowing that there are people out there who are related to me, but whom I've never met. Entire lifetimes have passed between the time my mother moved us away and now. Children have been born, parents have died, joys have been experienced, sorrows have dealt their blows. And all without the knowledge of one another. </div>
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<b>January 7 -</b> Our lives are truly precious. One small and simple mistake can really bring that into the forefront of my mind and make me take a really hard look at what my life is filled with. There was such a mistake last night. It was handled rather quickly (instincts kicked in immediately) and no one is worse for the wear. The only issue this morning is a raspy voice (mine). The short story is that I made chlorine gas last night unexpectedly. After clearing the house with fans and a call to Poison Control, I followed all the instructions they gave me. </div>
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The whole thing didn't really sink in until this morning, though. Brianna slept through her alarm and, until I woke her up, I was slightly panicked. After she went to school I actually began shaking. Yes, I'm admitting this on here, I was scared. I'm not going to dwell on what might have happened (though I did briefly). Instead I'm going to see this as another wake-up call. One to make me take a hard look at what is in my Life, what needs to be reevaluated, what needs to be renegotiated, what needs to be let go of completely, and, perhaps most important of all, what needs to be cherished.</div>
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I'm still a little shaky, but I'm going to go workout for a little while. I'm hoping that will help.</div>
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ShaylaMhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10226330407633351473noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6434146581384831258.post-89156057672387612732012-12-17T12:52:00.000-05:002012-12-17T19:49:18.922-05:00Collecting moments<br />
I've had days, lately, when I've felt like letting go, giving up, and retreating from life for a while. But what good would that do me? None at all. And so, I keep going. Perhaps this is part of being On Fire, too... small embers that are hidden in the ashes, just warm enough to relight the flames with just a bit of fresh air.<br />
<br />
I've been writing a lot lately. Some of it is good stuff, some of it is just my hurts and concerns. Some will be burned in a small fire, some will be shared with the appropriate people, some will be buried in the yard. All of this is a way to help me get things sorted out and determine how to set my sails.<br />
<br />
-<br />
<br />
I've had this orchid for a couple years. Its flowers fell off long ago and it didn't put out another spike until recently. I had decided to mount it onto a piece of wood and hang it on the wall and in the process I noticed that there was a tiny spike with some nubby sections. I was so very excited and a little nervous that I'd messed it up from yanking it from the pot (the roots had attached themselves). Today it seems like a pretty happy plant.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhC1FMCRDb4Rh-YmTVzp6laF84rrJnd_1tmDV21eDXrWdKHciLDd_dcjOfvdgnQdYMUuzpQ-52fjOXdEk7yOmt4iCFbdle-08eygyaQyR1HttoP-LQqyl1n5R8irPNIvDaSZ2g3QGDcvqE/s1600/Orchid+01.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhC1FMCRDb4Rh-YmTVzp6laF84rrJnd_1tmDV21eDXrWdKHciLDd_dcjOfvdgnQdYMUuzpQ-52fjOXdEk7yOmt4iCFbdle-08eygyaQyR1HttoP-LQqyl1n5R8irPNIvDaSZ2g3QGDcvqE/s320/Orchid+01.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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I'm looking forward to seeing how this all turns out.<br />
<br />
-<br />
<br />
<br />
There are days when all seems to go right, and days when all seems to go
wrong. But in each of those situations there are moments to hold onto.
Anthony's smile when I opened the door, Brianna's laughter during a
movie she didn't really care to watch, Kevin wrapping a warm blanket
around me when I wasn't feeling good. These are all such small things,
but have such an impact on my heart. When I think about these things I know that my life really is blessed. Each hard time is just a little sorrow in the grand scheme of things. Each smile is a ray of light helping me along.<br />
<br />
-<br />
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This weekend was a little crazy, but all in all it was pretty good. I have a couple new ideas to implement for the business, a couple dreams to put on the shelf, a couple fires to light, and I'm looking forward to getting a few things cleared away so I can hang the new calendar with a fresh start. Some of this will be very easy, some will be quite a challenge... all of it is Life.<br />
<br />ShaylaMhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10226330407633351473noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6434146581384831258.post-53585343996420876812012-12-04T05:47:00.001-05:002012-12-04T05:47:41.826-05:00Not much...<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/alinashea/8023381694/" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;" title="A lookout point by shaylamyst, on Flickr"><img alt="A lookout point" height="375" src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8171/8023381694_972386e033.jpg" width="500" /></a>It's been over two weeks since I last wrote. There isn't a specific reason, I just haven't gotten that many things finished lately. We did the turkey dinner for Thanksgiving and shared the time with family, I started a more focused effort on getting rid of junk around the place, I repaired the door handle on the Jeep, and I have been dyeing self-striping yarn.<br />
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That's really about it other than the myriad thoughts that are constantly going through my mind.<br />
<br />ShaylaMhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10226330407633351473noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6434146581384831258.post-28460760196170047672012-11-20T19:01:00.000-05:002012-11-20T19:01:28.876-05:00Creativity<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/alinashea/8023393014/" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;" title="Compass by shaylamyst, on Flickr"><img alt="Compass" height="375" src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8170/8023393014_1b8bd79d4a.jpg" width="500" /></a>There are times when I wonder what kind of a life I'd have lived if I wasn't creative. Then I laugh because I know that's just not possible. And I am filled with joy.<br />
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I finally know what I'll be doing with the denim jacket that was given to me a few years ago. I wanted it to be really special since someone very special gave it to me. I wanted to show my Spirituality with the honor I feel it deserves. I wanted to include vibrant colors for the Life I feel. I wanted it to be beautiful. And now, I have decided to embroider several designs onto the front and back of this jacket. Yes, it will take longer than painting it, but I will be stitching a lot of gratitude and intention with each stitch. I can't wait to get started!<br />
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I split wood this past weekend. I know many people see that as a chore and a bother, but I truly enjoy it. There is a certain sense of satisfaction that comes from knowing that I can do that. That I can take these large pieces of wood and shape them into something useful. Granted, it's not really "survival" anymore, but it still feels good.<br />
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While pulverizing one piece (I didn't say I was great at splitting wood, only that I enjoy it), I chipped off a piece that will be perfect for mounting my orchid onto. I still need some wire & moss, but I know it's going to look pretty cool when I'm done with it.<br />
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Lately I've been thinking about my direction. Where have I been? Where am I hoping to go? Where am I now? There were a lot of good things about where I've been (along with some challenges) and I try to see it all as helping me to get to where I want to be. There are some paths that I long to take and, even though the future is pretty scary sometimes, I look forward to facing the stumbles. And, there are bright moments about where I am, even though I can't always see them. All in all, this life is a good one. Perhaps not entirely what I'd hoped for, or what my mother had hoped for, but good nonetheless. And I'm determined to keep making it better.ShaylaMhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10226330407633351473noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6434146581384831258.post-36688351302754625232012-11-14T08:09:00.000-05:002012-11-14T08:12:44.848-05:00Pictures, LateOctober 29 - <br />
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October 31 - <br />
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This past weekend I got to drill through a cinder block. Not quite as exciting as drilling into a rock, but still interesting.<br />
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November 10 marked the anniversary of the first time my Dad held me. He'd returned from Viet Nam (his second tour there) and still hadn't gotten to see pictures of me. So, in a way, I was unreal to him until the day he held me. I think it's pretty cool that it is also the USMC birthday.<br />
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I don't have anything stellar to write today, so I'll be wishing you all a bright day, even through the rain.ShaylaMhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10226330407633351473noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6434146581384831258.post-49907856791803699242012-10-22T21:02:00.001-04:002012-10-24T06:45:14.830-04:00Indian Summer<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/alinashea/8112897364/" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;" title="Hollow tree by shaylamyst, on Flickr"><img alt="Hollow tree" height="375" src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8048/8112897364_d04f42d71e.jpg" width="500" /></a>Do you know what the term "Indian Summer" means? It's a period of unseasonably warm (and dry) weather that comes after a killing frost. We had the frost and now we are having warm weather, albeit a little wet.<br />
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Did you also know that it means a period of happiness or success late in life? I didn't, but it makes a lot of sense. I'm still mulling that one over, but I like it a lot. How much frost and cold and death do we experience as we get older? The day to day struggle, the sorrow of our children growing up and leaving home, the loss of loved ones and friends. In the middle of it all we are also blessed with finding new ways to be successful, the joy and pride of seeing our children making it on their own, and welcoming new lives and friends.<br />
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This past week has been a lot of struggle for me. It's not often that I feel maudlin about my mother's passing, but this last week I did. There are things going on in my life that I'd like to tell her about. Successes, lessons learned, the beauty and love that I feel for my own children, the pride I have in myself for not being a charity case... and so much more.<br />
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Often I am enjoying new adventures and I feel so much amazement at most of them. This weekend? Well, I used the winch on the Jeep to help bring down a tree, but the best part of the day was climbing the side of a very steep hill with Brianna. It was a little scary at many points simply because the ground was still waterlogged, there was a thick layer of damp leaves over loads of acorns, and neither of us were wearing proper shoes. But when we reached the top, it felt amazing to know that we did it with no major injuries. And the memory of the look on Brianna's face was something I will carry with me for the rest of my years as a wonderful blessing.<br />
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I've been pushing myself in other ways, too. The exercising, for example. I ramped up to an hour each day (split into 30 minute sessions) and on Friday I reached Lothlorien with a total of <a href="http://6849miles.blogspot.com/2012/10/9216-miles.html" target="_blank">921.6 Miles.</a> I was so excited by that milestone! I know I still have many more to go, but I am looking forward to continuing this journey.<br />
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At the end of this day, I am looking forward to falling asleep and hoping that the people I love will wake tomorrow with a smile in their hearts and a liveliness to their steps.<br />
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Namasté.ShaylaMhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10226330407633351473noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6434146581384831258.post-12833993595590019262012-10-16T14:01:00.001-04:002012-10-16T16:52:47.300-04:00Espresso!Yes, I now have a lovely machine to create espresso and cappuccino. It's from my Dad and I've been playing around with getting the froth right. I love the fact that my 1% milk can bring such a rich and creamy texture to my coffee each day. I just might stop buying half & half. You see, while I was in Asheville I had a couple chai lattes and have decided that I really like it a lot. I'll be using this little machine to enjoy that sweet drink (with stevia instead of sugar) right here at home.<br />
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I also got a new dress. This is something that I'd not planned to do for quite some time, but we had a wedding to attend on the 13th and I just didn't feel right wearing my Gypsyesque attire. And so, we went shopping and found something at the local Goodwill (I really do like that place). I wasn't really sure how it would look on me since the mirrors in the dressing rooms are inadequate and I had the opinion of a teen daughter who really didn't feel like shopping. After it was washed & dried, I put it back on and was told again that it looked pretty good on me. <br />
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The wedding was a lovely event. Outdoors, nice breeze, great temperatures. And! My friend Maha was the one officiating (she also does <a href="http://www.oasishealingarts.net/" target="_blank">healing work</a>). How cool is that? When we got to the reception I was quite impressed with the simple, yet elegant decor. Very Autumn-like with various squashes, pine cones, and apples. The food was Mediterranean and was delicious. I splurged a bit that day with the gyro bread and didn't feel guilty at all.<br />
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Afterward we enjoyed a quiet weekend with laughter, movies, and the great feeling of family.<br />
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Sunday morning I woke thinking about my Mom (it was her birthday) and how much more I miss her now than I did when I was only twenty-three. I hardly gave her a second thought for a few years after she passed away. I'd carried resentment for so many things and just figured it was better to leave her out of my thoughts than to get angry every time she crossed my mind. It wasn't until a month or so after my car accident that I began to think of her with any kind of appreciation. Brianna brought that about with her complete faith in her angel, who I am certain was my mother.<br />
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While on the phone with my Dad that night, though... I could hear in his voice the love he still has for her. Yes, even after all of these years. They've been apart for nearly four decades at this point. No, I'm not joking. I think I was four years old at the time she left him. And still, his voice cracks a little when he speaks of her.<br />
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I feel blessed to have come from a love like that.ShaylaMhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10226330407633351473noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6434146581384831258.post-60626626846156270922012-10-08T20:42:00.001-04:002012-10-08T20:43:36.801-04:00Settled in...<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/alinashea/8057294118/" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;" title="Aurora by shaylamyst, on Flickr"><img alt="Aurora" height="375" src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8170/8057294118_d08aec0340.jpg" width="500" /></a>Well, everything has been put away and things have settled back into a routine. My days are as busy as ever and I feel pretty happy with the daily accomplishments most of the time. Still, there are times when I think about sleeping the day away.<br />
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But then I remember how much I have to do or want to do, and I know that a nap would not be an option.<br />
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I'm over the weird cold I had and am looking forward to becoming more active in the workouts. Last week was a bit of a bust. But I know that I will still have enough time to achieve my goals.<br />
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Oddly enough, I'm not feeling that much inspiration to write much else today. I've been busy with some clearing out, some journaling, some candles, and more. Other than that, there is nothing new to mention.<br />
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I do hope you all have a beautiful week!ShaylaMhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10226330407633351473noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6434146581384831258.post-57837632143728735052012-09-26T08:43:00.001-04:002012-09-26T08:44:56.204-04:00What an adventure!<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/alinashea/8023517750/" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;" title="Clouds in the mountains by shaylamyst, on Flickr"><img alt="Clouds in the mountains" height="375" src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8312/8023517750_3c4d0e018e.jpg" width="500" /></a>These last two weeks have been filled with so many new things!<br />
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On the 13th I boarded a plane to Asheville, NC. This was the first flight I actually chose to take. The others were forced upon me due to moving (flying from Washington to Phoenix when I was 10) or necessity (a deposition when I was 30) and I was miserable the whole time I was on those flights. This one, however, was more filled with the excitement of what was to come and the lovely surprise planned for April. Everything went so smoothly, too. The security check was a breeze, the flight had no mishaps, there was a shuttle waiting to take me to the other gate for the connecting flight, and the weather was lovely.<br />
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On the 15th I ran/walked in the Asheville 5k. After the first burst of energy, I only ran downhill and walked uphill. There were a lot of hills!!! I was sure I'd end up taking a whole hour on that route, but I made it across the finish line in just over 44 minutes. I was mostly happy with that time. That afternoon Kam & April had a party and we all celebrated the run. (Kam & April ran the half marathon!) Good food, <span class="st">Patrón</span> Cafe, laughter, and friendship... what a wonderful way to celebrate Life!<br />
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After that, there was a combination of new foods (<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/alinashea/8023526713/in/set-72157631620954543" target="_blank">my first Indian food</a>), workouts, <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/alinashea/8023521620/in/set-72157631620954543" target="_blank">knitting</a>, and a drive to<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/alinashea/8023395793/in/set-72157631620954543" target="_blank"> Mount Mitchell</a>. The whole set of pictures is <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/alinashea/8023395793/in/set-72157631620954543" target="_blank">here</a> and I can honestly say that I enjoyed every moment of the trip. Even the workouts. I woke each morning at my normal times (5:30-ish) and stepped outside to greet the day. Each morning Moon Kitty would walk out there with me and sit by my feet while I breathed in the fresh morning air. Each evening I would fall asleep with a smile on my face. And through every moment I felt true gratitude that I was alive and able to see the beauty in everything around me.<br />
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And now I am home and thinking about all the stuff I want to do before the end of the year. Clearing out the house, getting even more healthy, working on my businesses of choice, and so much more. The cooler weather is setting in and it's time to begin looking inside for reflection. I have people in this world, near and far, who fully support me in all that I do. I have strength of heart and body to carry me through the tough times. I have creativity and passion to fuel my Life on Fire.<br />
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I am truly blessed.ShaylaMhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10226330407633351473noreply@blogger.com1